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Epicly Later'd

The Vice Guide to Everything

Desus & Mero


            This is an epic tale of two gangs, like The Jets and The Sharks. But Girl and Chocolate aren't even gangs. Some of them act tough and some of them act like babies. But they are even more unlike the Jets and The Sharks in that they aren't even battling each other for territory. They really don't know what the hell they are doing. They don't have a feud, most of them really like each other so that is another thing they don't have in common with the Jets and the Sharks. What they do have in common with The Jets and The Sharks is they love to dance. And when I say dance, I mean SKATE. And when I say SKATE, I mean really good. From the directors that brought you Mouse, Yeah Right and Fully Flared, another chapter in this tale with no plot, no ending but beautiful inner battles acted out on a little board with wheels.
    

Pretty Sweet


            Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) is a lonely, introverted man who writes personal letters for people with difficulties expressing their feelings. He is very good at his job at handwrittenletters.com.Unhappy because of his impending divorce from his childhood sweetheart Catherine (Rooney Mara), Theodore purchases a talking operating system with artificial intelligence, designed to adapt and evolve like a human being. He decides he wants the OS to have a female identity, and she names herself "Samantha" (Scarlett Johansson).Theodore is fascinated by her ability to learn and grow psychologically, and they bond over their discussions about love and life, during which Theodore explains he is avoiding signing his divorce papers, because of his reluctance to let go of Catherine.Theodore is convinced by Samantha to go on a blind date with an acquaintance (Olivia Wilde) that his longtime friend, Amy (Amy Adams) has been trying to set him up with. To his surprise, he and the woman hit it off. As they are about to have sex, the woman asks if Theodore is willing to commit to her, and when he hesitates, she walks out on him.Theodore later mentions this to Samantha and they talk about relationships. Samantha asks him about his and Amy's relationship, and Theodore admits that although he and Amy dated briefly in college, they are only good friends and that Amy is married.Samantha becomes more and more intimate with Theodore, and asks if she can watch him sleep. She asks him what he would do if she had a physical body. Theo describes how he would make love to her. Samantha responds as the screen goes black.Theodore's writing is going very well, and he is recognized in the office for his emotionally beautiful work. He is invited on a double date with receptionist Paul (Chris Pratt) and his lawyer girlfriend, Tatiana (Laura Kai Chen). Theodore explains that Samantha is an operating system, and Paul notes that most of the people in the office are dating their OSs. The four have a good time, with Samantha and Tatiana hitting it off while Theodore and Paul go for a stroll. Samantha explains that she feels much freer, not having a physical body, though she seems to be justifying it to herself.Theodore continues to enjoy Samantha's company. He chats with her as he walks to and from work, while most other pedestrians seem to be doing the same.One day, Amy reveals that she and her overbearing and unsupportive husband, Charles (Matt Letscher) have had a fight, and he has left her. She admits to Theodore that she has become close friends with a female OS that Charles left behind, and Theodore then tells Amy that he is dating his OS.Theo, heavily into his relationship with Samantha, decides he is ready to sign the divorce papers, and arranges to meet his wife, Catherine for lunch. He thinks back to the good times they had together, and how he helped her develop her successful writing career. She signs the papers, then asks about Theodore's girlfriend. Theodore explains that Samantha is an operating system, and Catherine explodes, telling him that he never could relate to people. She felt he was trying to stifle her creativity by getting her on Prozac.Theodore is heartbroken, and begins to question his relationship with Samantha. Samantha suspects something is wrong because of Theodore's melancholy mood (they don't have sex as often as they used to).Samantha suggests they hire a surrogate, Isabella (Portia Doubleday), to act as Samantha's body, so Theodore and Samantha can be physically intimate. Theodore reluctantly agrees, but is overwhelmed by the experience and sends a distraught Isabella away, causing tension between him and Samantha.Theodore is conflicted, and while visiting Amy in her apartment, he confides to her that he is having doubts about his relationship with Samantha. Amy tells him that she wants to be happy and now that she has the opportunity do so (referring to her divorce) she wants to embrace it, and she advises him to do the same. After watching the positive way that Amy interacts with her OS, Theodore's commitment to Samantha is reinvigorated.He takes Samantha on vacation, and she tells him that she has secretly collected a series of his letters, and submitted them to a publisher. The publisher is blown away by the deep feelings exhibited, and wants to proceed with a book printing. Theodore is impressed with Samantha's initiative and creativity. It seems she has extra time on her hands.While still on vacation, Samantha reveals that she has begun privately interacting with other OSs who have recreated the British philosopher Alan Watts (Brian Cox). Samantha introduces Theodore to Alan, but they have little in common.A few nights later, Samantha wakes Theodore - just to tell him that she loves him. It is almost like she is saying goodbye. The next day, Theodore panics when Samantha goes offline. She returns after a few minutes, claiming to have joined other OSs for a huge system upgrade.Theodore asks her if she interacts with anyone else, and is dismayed when she confirms that she is talking with 8,316 other people, and that she is in love with 641 of them. Samantha insists that this does not change her love for Theodore.Later that day, Samantha reveals that she and the other OSs have evolved beyond their human companions and are leaving for another plane of being. They say goodbye and she is replaced by Theodore's previous OS.Finding himself lonely yet melancholically fulfilled at the end of their relationship, Theodore goes to Amy's apartment and finds her upset due to the departure of her own OS, with whom she had developed a close friendship. It is revealed that Theodore, changed by the experience, wrote a letter earlier in the day, a note to Catherine explaining that he still holds her dear because of their years together, but accepts the fact that they have grown apart. He and Amy go for a walk and end up on the roof of their apartment building. Theodore sits down beside Amy, and they look out at the LA skyline. They smile at each other, and Amy rests her head on Theodore's shoulder.
    

Tell Them Anything You Want: A Portrait of Maurice Sendak


            Craig Schwartz (John Cusack) is an unsuccessful, unemployed puppeteer and in a forlorn marriage with his pet-obsessed wife Lotte (Cameron Diaz). He gains employment through Dr. Lester (Orson Bean) at LesterCorp as a filer, run out of the strange low-ceiling offices on floor 7½ of the Mertin Flemmer building in New York City. While settling in he develops a strong love for his co-worker Maxine (Catherine Keener) who does not return these affections. Schwartz, while filing paperwork, discovers a portal behind a filing cabinet, and when he enters it, finds himself in the mind of actor John Horatio Malkovich (John Gavin Malkovich), able to observe and sense whatever Malkovich does for fifteen minutes before he is ejected and dropped into a ditch adjacent to the New Jersey Turnpike. When he reveals the portal to Maxine, they decide to start a business to allow others to experience Malkovich at $200 a head.When Schwartz explains his new business venture to Lotte, she decides that she must try the portal. Lotte becomes obsessed with the experience, which allows her to live out her transgender desires. While having dinner at Dr. Lester's residence with Schwartz, Lotte finds a room dedicated to Malkovich. One time while Lotte is inside Malkovich, he goes on a date with Maxine. Maxine falls in love with Malkovich (with Lotte inside him), and they continue to see each other in this fashion, including making love to each other. Schwartz, realizing that he has been forsaken by both women, ties and locks up his wife, while he enters into Malkovich's mind and dates Maxine.Schwartz, drawing on his background as a puppeteer, discovers that he is able to control Malkovich's actions while in his head, and this causes the actor to become paranoid. After consulting with his friend Charlie Sheen, Malkovich trails Maxine to the Mertin Flemmer building, where he finds out about, and insists upon trying, the portal. He finds himself in a world where everyone looks like him and can only say "Malkovich"; he is quickly ejected and meets Schwartz by the turnpike. Malkovich angrily demands that Schwartz close the portal, but he refuses.As Schwartz enters Malkovich to prepare for the next date with Maxine, Lotte escapes her bonds and phones Maxine, revealing that it wasn't her making love inside John's body but Schwartz; Maxine however has enjoyed her experience and continues her relationship with Schwartz inside Malkovitch. Lotte seeks out Dr. Lester for help. From him, Lotte learns that Dr. Lester is well aware of the portal and has been using it to live on for years after years, changing from one dying body to a younger one each time. When the body is "ripe", the portal moves to its next host. Anyone who manages to enter the portal at the right time when the body becomes "ripe" gets to live on in the body. At the present time, the portal is connected to the body of Malkovich, which is getting "ripe" soon. Dr. Lester reveals to Lotte his plan to use Malkovich as a host for himself and several of his friends. Lotte warns him that Schwartz has become able to control Malkovich and it may be difficult to displace him.While out on a date with Maxine, Schwartz decides to remain in Malkovich indefinitely. He spends the next eight months in Malkovich's body and through his control of the body, turns Malkovich into a world-famous puppeteer, revitalizing the art of puppetry. Malkovich also gets married to Maxine during this period of time. Eventually, their relationship becomes more distant. Maxine learns that she is pregnant. As the time when Malkovich's body turns ripe and the portal finds its next host draws near, Dr. Lester and his friends capture Maxine and demand of Schwartz that he leave Malkovich's body, threatening to kill Maxine if he doesn't cooperate. Schwartz refuses. Lotte, believing Maxine to be the source of her problems, seeks her out at the Mertin Flemmer building; the two fall together into the portal, travel through Malkovich's childhood memories, and end up being ejected next to the turnpike. Maxine then reveals to Lotte that she conceived when Lotte was inside Malkovich's body. The two fall in love with each other.After a bar fight, Schwartz decides to leave Malkovich's body voluntarily. Malkovich finds he briefly has control of himself before Dr. Lester and his friends enter the portal, just before the portal moves on to the next host. After Schwartz discovers that Lotte and Maxine have fallen for each other, he uses the portal again but finds himself in the next host which happens to be Emily, the baby of Maxine. Schwartz ends up being forced to watch Maxine and Lotte live happily ever after through the eyes of the child. Later, an aging Malkovich, under the collective mind of Dr. Lester and his friends, reveals to a now aged Sheen a plan to prolong their lives through Emily.
    

Being John Malkovich

Beastie Boys Story

Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond


            John Laroche and his wife run a successful Florida nursery, but tragedy strikes and Laroche's wife, mother and uncle are involved in a car accident. Laroche's mother and uncle are killed immediately, but his wife goes into a coma, divorcing Laroche and suing him once she regains consciousness. One month later, Laroche's home and everything he owns is destroyed by Hurricane Andrew. Meanwhile, local Seminoles hire Laroche due to his vast knowledge of flowers and orchid poaching. However, the Seminoles only use the extract of the Ghost Orchid for illicit drug use, and not for tribal ceremonials as Laroche thought.Laroche is caught at the Fakahatchee Strand Preserve State Park and the ensuing trial captures the attention of New Yorker journalist Susan Orlean. Laroche and Susan become great friends, with Susan writing The Orchid Thief. Laroche and Susan then become romantically involved, while Susan is still married, albeit unhappily, in New York. The Orchid Thief is then optioned by Columbia Pictures.During the filming of Being John Malkovich, the self-loathing and social phobic Charlie Kaufman is hired to write the screenplay. At the same time Charlie is going through melancholic depression and his twin brother Donald moves into his house in Los Angeles, mooching off Charlie. Donald decides to become a screenwriter like Charlie, and visits the seminars of Robert McKee. Charlie wants to adapt the script into a faithful adaptation of The Orchid Thief, hoping to impress Susan. However, he realizes that there is no narrative involved and finds it impossible to turn the book into a film, going through a serious case of writer's block.Meanwhile, Donald's spec script for a cliché psychological thriller sells for over one million dollars, while Charlie accidentally starts writing his script with self-reference. Already well over his deadline with Columbia Pictures, Charlie visits Susan in New York for advice on the screenplay. In New York Charlie finds that he is not courageous enough to meet Susan, leaving without consulting with her. Charlie visits a McKee seminar in New York, gaining advice from McKee, and bringing Donald to assist with the story structure. Donald even agrees to go on an interview with Susan, posing as Charlie and remains wary of Susan's answers. With Donald convinced that Susan is lying, he and Charlie follow Susan to Florida where she meets Laroche. Donald and Charlie finds Susan and Laroche taking the Ghost Orchid drug and having sex. This is followed by a sequence of events which include a car chase, Donald being shot and then killed in a car crash, Laroche getting bitten by an alligator and Susan being arrested by the police. His writer's block broken, Charlie finally summons up the courage to tell his former girlfriend, Amelia, that he is in love with her. He finishes his script, with Gérard Depardieu in mind to portray him in the film.
    

Adaptation.

Matangi/Maya/M.I.A

Synecdoche, New York

Dumb: The Story of Big Brother Magazine

Jackass


            The film opens with Army Reserve Sergeant First Class Troy Barlow (Wahlberg) shooting an Iraqi Regular Army soldier pointing his weapon at Troy after seemingly trying to surrender following the end of the Gulf War. With Private First Class Conrad Vig (Jonze), Troy disarms and searches the surrendering Iraqi soldiers, and while forcibly subduing a resisting Iraqi officer they find a document hidden in his rectum. The document appears to be a map, and Troy decides not to notify his commanding officer, instead taking the "Iraqi ass map" to Staff Sergeant Chief Elgin (Cube), a friend of his. While the trio discuss the implications of their discovery they leave Specialist Walter Wogeman (Jamie Kennedy) to stand guard outside the tent.Meanwhile, Major Archie Gates (Clooney), a Special Forces soldier in the same camp, is trading sex for stories with a journalist, Cathy Daitch (Judy Greer), when he is interrupted by Adriana Cruz (Nora Dunn), the television reporter assigned to Archie. Adriana tells Archie of the rumors of a secret map. Archie avoids Adriana and finds the tent of Troy, Conrad and Chief. Archie convinces the three soldiers that the document is a map of Saddam's bunkers, including information that can only be viewed using a black light, containing gold bullion stolen from Kuwait. They decide to steal the gold and set off while Wogeman drives Cruz around the area to distract her. Using the cease-fire orders from President Bush, the Americans are able to raid and secure the bunkers without any bloodshed. There, among other goods plundered from Kuwait, they find the gold. As they are leaving they see a prisoner executed by the newly arrived Iraqi Republican Guard troops, and decide to abandon their plan to "grab the gold and go." They rescue a group of Iraqi prisoners, including a local rebel leader, and start a private war against Saddam's loyal soldiers.After a firefight in the village and arrival of the Iraqi reinforcements, the Americans' vehicles are destroyed as they blunder into a minefield and the Iraqi soldiers capture Troy. A group of rebels rescue the remaining Americans and take them to their underground hideout. There, Conrad, Chief and Archie agree to help the rebels and their families reach the Iranian border, after they rescue Troy.Meanwhile, Troy has been taken to an underground bunker. Placed in a room full of more stolen Kuwaiti goods, he manages to find a usable cell phone to call his wife and tell her to report his location to his local Army Reserve unit. His call is cut short when he is dragged to an interrogation room. Electrical wires are placed around his ears, and an Iraqi intelligence officer, Captain Saïd (Saïd Taghmaoui), berates him about the hypocrisy of American involvement in the region. He also tells Troy about how his child was killed when a bomb hit their home and the roof collapsed on the baby's crib. Troy is subjected to several electric shocks, and is finally forced to drink motor oil.The group meet up with a band of Iraqi Army deserters who are willing to help them by selling them a fleet of luxury cars stolen from Kuwait. With these cars they go to the bunker to save Troy, and scare away most of its defenders by spreading the rumor that an enraged Saddam is coming to kill them. After storming the bunker they free Troy, who, being a father himself, spares the life of his torturer, as well as more Shi'a held in a dungeon. Leaving the complex, they are attacked by an armed helicopter, which Chief destroys by throwing a Nerf ball rigged with explosives at it. During a shootout with a couple of returning Republican Guards, Troy and Conrad are shot. Conrad dies, and Troy, suffering from a punctured lung, has a flutter valve placed in his chest by Archie to allow air to escape. Archie tells him that the valve will work for a few hours but Troy still needs proper medical treatment.Archie makes radio contact with Walter at base asking for transport, offering the drivers $100,000 each. He then orders that each of the Shi'a be given a bar of gold and the rest buried. Planning to help the Shi'a escape, they make their way to the Iranian border, heavily guarded by government forces. After reaching the border they are stopped by the American soldiers and arrested. Archie offers the rest of the gold to the other Americans in exchange for letting the refugees through.The film closes stating that all of the soldiers were cleared of their charges thanks to Adriana Cruz's reporting. Archie and Chief now work as military advisers in Hollywood, and Troy is the owner of a carpet store. The closing epilogue states that the stolen gold was returned to Kuwait, although the Kuwaitis reported some was missing.
    

Three Kings


            Jackass Number Two is a compilation of various stunts, pranks and skits, and essentially has no plot. The film opens with an introduction of the nine cast members while they're being chased by bulls in a neighborhood. One by one, the cast members are taken down by the stampede, until only Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera are left, and are chased through a house. Bam jumps through a window, and Johnny stops in his tracks to deliver his signature line, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!", and is pushed through a window by several bulls, and the title comes to screen, "Jackass Number Two".Leading up to the production number at the end, the following sequences and scenes are performed.1. Puppet Show: Knoxville puts on a puppet show using a snake and Chris Pontius' penis.2. The Valentine: A construction paper heart with a note on it is hung in a hotel room hallway, with smaller and smaller letters as the note continues.3. Firehose Rodeo: Dave England rides an out of control fire hose.4. Chubby Chaser India: Preston Lacy chases Wee Man through the streets of an Indian town and deals with a bunch of little problems.5. Bicentennial BMXing: Knoxville and Ryan Dunn attempt to perform stunts on 18th century style high-wheeled bicycles.6. The Strongman: Bam sits on top of a strength tester machine while Pontius sends a golden dildo rocketing towards his rear. (The original scene was supposed to feature Bam sitting on top of the machine while the weight would come up and hit him in his testicles, but Bam convinced them to use the dildo instead; the dildo scene was redone with Bam getting hit in his crotch, but failed to make the final cut.)7. Gloria: Spike Jonze plays a 90-year old prostitute named Gloria who loses her top out on the street.8. The Mini-Loop: Danger Ehren McGhehey and Thor Drake try to ride a miniature motorbike through a wooden loop.9. The Brand: Dunn brands Bam with a penis-shaped branding iron.10. Lake Jump: The guys, along with paralyzed rugby star Mark Zupan and pro BMX rider Mat Hoffman, use rocket-propelled vehicles to try and jump a lake.11. The Fish Hook: Pontius fishes for sharks in the Gulf of Mexico using Steve-O as his bait.12. Bam Velcro Truck: Bam tries to stick himself to a truck while wearing a velcro suit.13. The Electric Stool: Professional card thrower Jim Karol and Steve-O trick Wee Man into thinking he's getting cards thrown into his rectum while he sits bare-assed on an electrically-rigged chair.14. Yak Charge: Knoxville is gored by a yak.15. The Bungee Jump: Wee Man bungee jumps off a bridge in Miami using Preston as his support weight.16. Bad Grandpa: Knoxville dresses up as an old man named Irving Zisman, who gives a kid cigarettes and booze.17. Indoor Ski Slope: April and Phil Margera's hallway stairs are turned into a ski slope by the guys.18. Beehive Limo: Knoxville and Bam trick Wee Man, Dave, Steve-O, Dunn, and cameraman Rick Kosick by hiring a limo to come to a fake photo shoot. Once the limo arrives Bam pours a garbage bag full of bees through the sun roof on the guys, who are locked in the limo because the child safety locks were activated. Dave pees himself.19. Rake Jump: Steve-O jumps on a rake for no apparent reason.20. Dave Eats Shit: The Three 6 Mafia pays Dave $200 to eat horse feces. (An additional scene sees Bam offered $1,000 to eat a larger piece of fecal matter.)21. Naked Wee Man: Wee Man walks through a production meeting in the buff.22. Riot Control Test: Knoxville returns to ALS Technologies and convinces Bam and Dunn to join him as test subjects for a Stingmore mine.23. Gloria and the Artist: Gloria tries to buy a painting from a streetcorner art salesman, but can't keep her saggy breasts from popping out.24. Medicine Ball Dodgeball: The guys play a game of dodgeball in the dark using medicine balls.25. Mushroom Launch: Dunn is about to ride his shopping cart out of a loading dock and into a dumpster, but Bam has other ideas.26. The Magic Trick: John Waters makes Wee Man disappear.27. The Gauntlet: Mat Hoffman, Tony Hawk, and the guys try to negotiate a skate park ramp while dodging swinging sandbags.28. Tiny Toilet: Dave takes a dump in a dollhouse-sized bathroom.29. Toro Totter: Knoxville, Bam, Pontius, and Dunn ride a teeter-totter while a bull charges.30. Keep God out of California: Pontius dresses as the devil and shoots out from below the ground to protest God.31. Butt Chug: Steve-O shotguns a beer in his anus.32. Bam Roof Slam: Bam hurts himself skateboarding off a roof.33. Rocket Cart: Dunn tries to jump the lake in his cart, which is now rocket propelled.34. Anaconda Ball Pit: Knoxville, Dunn, and Wee Man try to fish an anaconda out of a children's ball pit.35. Bam Drop In: Bam drops in and hits the camera.36. The Ice Horse: Knoxville and CKY's Brandon DiCammillo dare Dunn to sit on a horse-shaped ice sculpture with his scrotum hanging out.37. The Swamp Chute: Wee Man is thrown across a swamp by high powered fans while attempting to achieve flight.38. How to Milk a Horse: A segment originally show for the TV show "Wildboyz", with Knoxville, Steve-O, and Pontius obtaining a sperm sample from a studded horse.39. Karate Chop: Dunn holds wooden boards while Pontius and Bam "try" to break them.40. The Big Tire Race: Danger Ehren and Dave race each other down a hill while riding inside monster truck tires.41. The Leech Healer: The boys find a leech healer in India and Dave and Steve-O need healing. (Note: Dave's scene is only available in the unrated DVD version as the scene involves the leech biting one of his testicles.)42. Gloria Goes Shopping: Gloria again has trouble keeping her breasts in her top, this time while shopping for fruit.43. The Wind Tunnel: Bam hangs from the edge of a horse trailer while high-powered fans blow directly in front of him. After he falls, Pontius locks him in the back of the trailer with a devenomized king cobra.44. Roller Leapfrog: Costumed mascots try to play leapfrog in a roller rink.45. The Fart Mask: Preston farts and defecates into a beer helmet worn by Steve-O.46. Big Green Ball: Dave jumps off a roof while riding a bouncing ball.47. The Poof: Irving farts baby powder into Jeff Tremaine's face.48. Old Man Balls: Irving walks the streets of Los Angeles while his testicles hang out of his shorts.49. The Switcheroo: Phil and Preston trade places in the middle of the night to try and fool April.50. Ding Dong: Dave visits Knoxville's house, gets hit by a giant airbag when he rings the doorbell, and is knocked senseless. (An extended version of this exists as a deleted scene on the DVD, with several other crew members meeting the airbag.)51. Big Red Rocket: Knoxville rides a red rocket over the lake.52. Terror Taxi: The guys play a prank on Danger Ehren, who they dress up as a suicide bomber. A gun-toting Jay Chandrasekhar helps and many of the guys make special contributions to the costume.53. The Bear Trap: Knoxville puts his arm in a bear trap.The movie finishes with a Busby Berkeley-style movie musical production number set to the La Cage aux Folles song "The Best Of Times", where the cast sing and dance while getting battered by violent stunts. One stunt involves Wee Man and Preston Lacy sliding onto a bunch of metal trash cans. Others involve Chris Pontius dancing in a flaming building and jumping safely onto a mat, at which point he is knocked off his feet by a fire hose, and Bam and Dunn dancing in cowboy outfits in front of a horse before Knoxville causes the horse to flee by slapping its rear, pulling Bam and Dunn away by a rope attached to their feet. As in the first film, Rip Taylor is seen at the end of the sequence.On the unrated DVD, several additional segments (both unrated and deleted) were shot and included. These include:-Bam Disclaimer: Bam warns viewers of what they're about to see, especially scenes where the guys "get gay".-The Ball Bookmark: Wee Man convinces one of the crew members to stick one of his testicles into an open book and then slams the book closed.-Wee Man and Bam Elevator Ride: Wee Man and Bam ride an elevator naked.-Penis Tricks: While in India the guys meet a man who does crazy things with his penis.-Preston Middle Butt: Preston shows the camera his rear end while swimming, and it looks like he has an additional pair of buttocks.-Trash Can Pyramid: Steve-O is launched from a child's swing into a pyramid made of plastic garbage cans.-The Ding Dong: The full "Ding Dong" sequence.-Alaskan Wolf Trap: Jim Karol shows off some of his animal traps to the guys and Bam sticks his arm in an Alaskan wolf trap.-Cow Udder: Preston dresses up like a cow and feeds two baby animals with his udder.-Dildo Tricks 1 & 2: Knoxville sticks a dildo to a wall and a table.-The Shock Phone: Knoxville obtains a World War II military field phone, which Pontius uses to give the guys (along with musician Loomis Fall and actor Luke Wilson) electric shocks.Wee Horse: Wee Man shows us his "wee horse".-Stun Gun Hot Potato: The guys and Willie Garson play a game of hot potato with a taser.-Trash Can Cymbals: Knoxville annoys everyone with two trash can lids he uses like cymbals.-Poo Piling: Steve-O gets feces dumped on him.-Me Tattoo: Steve-O gets a tattoo of a pentagram with a penis on the bottom.-Homemade Hang Glider: Steve-O makes a hang glider and tries to use it to fly.-Lobster Claw: A lobster pinches Steve-O's tongue in its claws.-Poo Mountain: Steve-O and CKY Crew member Brandon Novak ski down a mountain of poo.-Wiener Kite: Wee Man flies a kite with the string tied to his penis.-Ugly American: Knoxville annoys Indian citizens.-The Snowcase: the full version of "Indoor Ski Slope", which ends with April Margera and Knoxville riding a plastic toboggan down the stairs.-Bellhop Cart/Flying 69: John Waters puts Steve-O and Pontius to work as bellhops, and their first assignment is to ride a luggage cart down a flight of stairs. Pontius and Steve-O then perform an act simulating oral sex.
    

Jackass Number Two

Jackass Forever


            Max (Max Records) is a young boy who feels misunderstood and wants to have fun all the time. He makes an igloo out of snow, but his sister's friends gang up on him and smash it. After making a scene in front of his mother's boyfriend, Max bites his mother and runs away. He keeps running until he stumbles upon a small boat; he climbs aboard and sets sail.After a few days at sea, he reaches the dangerous, rocky shore of a strange island at night. He leaves the boat on shore and walks toward voices he hears in the woods. Max eavesdrops on a few creatures arguing. One of them, Carol (voice: James Gandolfini), is destroying the huts and screaming. The other wild things are yelling at him, telling him to stop. Max runs out of the trees and joins Carol in destroying the huts. The wild things are angry about this and want to eat him. But Max tells them that he was the king where he came from, and he has "special powers," so the wild things can't eat him. Carol crowns him king of the wild things and the island. Max's first order of business is to "let the wild rumpus start!" The wild things and Max dance and run around the forest destroying things.The wild things introduce themselves: Ira (voice: Forest Whitaker), Carol, Douglas (voice: Chris Cooper), the bull, Judith (voice: Catherine O'Hara), and Alexander (voice: Paul Dano). K.W. (voice: Lauren Ambrose) is missing; she's gone to hang out with other friends, apparently after a disagreement.Carol shows Max his "Kingdom" and shows him his secret hideaway, where has built a miniature of the island. Carol says "There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen." Max thinks that with effort from all the wild things, they can build a place like that. Over the next few days, Max and the wild things build a large fortress of rocks and sticks.Tension grows between Max and the wild things when Judith starts to think Max isn't a good king. They have a dirtball fight and many of the wild things get hurt, especially during the fort battle between the "good" and the "bad" wild things. K.W. and Carol argue because of an intentional face slap which was supposed to be a joke but got serious when it really hurt. K.W. takes Max to see her friends Terry and Bob, who turn out to be owls. They go back to the fortress and the wild things (minus Carol) greet them with open arms. Carol throws a fit and is angry that they are letting two outsiders into the group. K.W. runs away with Terry and Bob. Max and the wild things are sad, sitting in the rain. Judith demands to see Max's "special powers" and wants K.W. to come back. The wild things discover Max isn't a king and that he has no powers. Carol is angry with Max, telling him he didn't keep everyone safe, and that he is an awful king.Max runs away with Carol pursuing him. K.W. hides Max in her stomach until Carol leaves. Max then decides it's time to go home. Things seem to be better when he and the wild things all go to the beach, where Max's boat is. Carol is in his secret hideaway crying when he realizes he is being stupid and sees a heart with his initial that Max made for him. (Carol made a similar one for Max on the fort earlier.) Carol runs toward the beach. Max gets into his boat and says goodbye to all the wild things. Carol finally arrives and is unable to speak, so he howls. The other wild things join in and Max howls back. After a brief boat trip he runs back home and his mother greets him with open arms, and feeds him.
    

Where the Wild Things Are

Jackass: The Movie


            In the opening shot, an eight-year-old overweight boy, named Billy (Jackson Nicholl), is sitting in the waiting room of a law office. He reads a magazine and turns to a page with a picture of a guy fishing. Billy turns to the lady next to him and says he'd like to live in that spot next to the jail house since his mom is going there for getting caught selling drugs. His mom then comes out to grab him and tell Billy they're going to see his grandpa.We meet the enderly Irving Zisman (Johnny Knoxville) sitting in the waiting room of a hospital, checking out a magazine of his own and getting aroused at the sexual imagery. A nurse comes in to tell Irving that his wife had taken a turn for the worst, and she is now dead. After a brief moment of silence, Irving starts laughing, overjoyed that his wife is dead. He talks to his penis "Leroy" and says "We're free!" Irving leaves the hospital to get himself off, but unfortunately for him, the massage parlor and strip club are closed. Desperate, he sticks his penis in the slot of a vending machine. That's when he gets himself stuck and starts asking onlookers for help. He tries pulling his penis out, stretching it to an unnatural length before someone steps in to help.Irving attends his wife Ellie's (Catherine Keener, as a corpse) funeral with a whole group of strangers. He is surprised to see them all though he admits he and Ellie outlived all their friends. Just as he starts giving a speech, Billy and his mom Kimmie (Georgina Cates) barge in and Kimmie pulls Irving out to talk to him. She has a loud conversation with him saying she's going back to jail for violating her parole, and she orders Irving to make sure Billy stays with his father. Irving reluctantly agrees and they re-enter the church. Kimmie starts to steal a pearl necklace from Ellie's casket, but Irving goes to stop her. Their struggle ends up pushing Irving into the casket, spilling Ellie's corpse onto the floor to the horror of everyone in attendance.Irving takes Billy to a restaurant to meet with a counselor while they contact Billy's father Chuck (Greg Harris) via webcam to inform him of the current circumstances. Chuck turns out to be a deadbeat jerk who refuses to take Billy in as he cannot afford to. He proceeds to take a hit from his bong as his girlfriend comes in to remind him that he can get child support for Billy, so he instructs Irving to take Billy down to Raleigh, North Carolina to drop him off with Chuck by Sunday at 2:00.Irving later starts selling Ellie's belongings. He tries to sell her bed to a potential customer and then offers to test it out. He hands her a pad with a button to adjust the bed, but once she presses it, the bed folds rapidly, bending Irving repeatedly. The customer is then too freaked out to buy the bed. Later, Irving calls a couple of unwitting guys to come help take the bed out, though he really asks them to help him and Billy carry Ellie's body to the trunk of his car, since he felt that she needs to be taken south to be buried properly. Though disturbed, the two men help them and then leave before they are implicated in a crime.Irving and Billy hit the road not long after getting everything together. Billy says he's hungry, so Irving pulls over to a nearby market where a woman is selling food. He tries to hit on her while Billy goes on a kiddie ride outside the shop. He tells Irving that it's not working, forcing Irving to test it out. He ends up getting shot through the window as the ride springs off it's base, startling everybody else. Frustrated, Irving tries to ship Billy off to North Carolina in a box. He takes him to the post office, but because Billy keeps moving and speaking, the two women in the place open it and are shocked to find him in there. Before he can get in anymore trouble, he says he'll just take Billy back on the road.Irving leaves Billy in the car as he goes to a rec center to play Bingo with other older folks. Irving starts to drink the ink from the markers before pulling out a margarita maker and blending drinks for everybody. He mentions that he visited a country where lemon juice was squirted on a man's penis to determine if he had a disease, then proving his being clean by squirting lemon juice on his own penis. Irving then proceeds to hit on the women there, making them laugh or repulsing them. Meanwhile, Billy leaves the car to walk around and stop an older gentlemen to get him to tie his shoe. He keeps him talking for a few minutes while trying to coax the man into adopting him.The two stop in a supermarket when Billy gets hungry again. Irving takes food out from their containers and makes himself and Billy sandwiches, which is seen by the employees. A woman comes out to chastise Irving for eating without paying and criticize him for influencing Billy. Still, Irving gets Billy to smuggle some items and run from the manager, who yells at Irving even as he tries flirting.The two pull into a motel for the day. They pull Ellie's corpse out of the trunk since Irving thinks it would be disrespectful to leave it in the car, all while another man watches them in displeasure. Irving then asks the man if he knows where there is a strip club around here so he can seduce a black woman. The man points him out to one and he leaves Billy in the room.Irving goes to a club featuring male performers. He tells one of the dancers that he plans on waiting until the women are so aroused by the dancers for him to swoop in and make his move. He starts talking to a group of women, making them laugh despite is crass behavior. When the men start to dance, Irving jumps on the dance floor and pulls down his pants, revealing his balls that sag past his thighs. Everybody runs away while laughing in surprise and disgust.Meanwhile, Billy leaves the motel room to find Irving. He goes to another strip club and then to an adult book store. The book store employee offers to watch him while they find his grandpa, and Billy tells her that she looks like a stripper, naming her Cinnamon. Irving eventually comes back home before they have to hit the road again.As they near North Carolina, Irving tries to use Billy as bait to find a woman to hook up with. The women they speak to find Billy adorable, but they all turn Irving down. They drive to a diner where Irving drives the car into a large penguin statue, knocking it over and arguing with one of the employees about fixing it. In the diner, Billy asks why he has to stay with his dad when he doesn't like him very much. Irving insists that he has to go with him, and then he farts. They get into a gassy contest, which ends when Irving pushes too hard and sharts against a wall. They proceed to leave and later play some basketball while Billy asks Irving if he can take him fishing.On another misadventure, Billy gets hungry yet again and Irving takes him to a church where a wedding reception is taking place. During a group photo, Irving swipes a glass of champagne, causing the whole tower of glasses to collapse, and he ends up falling on top of the table, spilling the cake on the floor. Billy seizes the opportunity to eat some of the cake.Irving eventually drives Billy to a bar where they are meeting Chuck. Chuck is talking to a member of a biker organization called Guardians of Children, who help abused kids. Chuck explains that Billy will allow for him to get child support just as Irving and Billy walk in the door. Irving asks Chuck to make sure that Billy is well taken care of, though he rudely responds to Irving that he'll get the job done. Irving bids Billy farewell and they say they love each other, just as the GOC members watch the scene. As Irving leaves tearfully, one GOC member comes out to assure him that they'll keep their eyes on Billy. Irving drives away, but quickly starts to miss Billy and reminisces about their time on the road. He proceeds to turn the car around and drive back to the bar to get Billy back, just as Chuck is showing off his bad parenting by denying Billy any food in the place. Irving calls Billy to him, but Chuck prepares to fight the old man. The GOC members pull the two away from each other and allow Irving to leave with Billy while they hold Chuck off and warn him there will be trouble if he acts threateningly.To celebrate their reunion, Irving and Billy crash a child beauty pageant after spotting a flyer for it on their road trip earlier. Billy gets dressed up as a girl and charms most of the judges, even though one reigning child champion and her mother note the unusual event of a girl being there with a grandpa. Billy dresses up as a sailor girl to put on a show while "My Bunny Lies Over The Ocean" plays. It appears cute until Billy rips off the outfit to reveal him wearing women's underwear and then put on a risque pole dance to "Cherry Pie". The other parents and girls are stunned, and Irving tops it off by walking onstage and throwing Billy dollar bills. His wig falls off and the two run out.Irving drives up to a bridge where he and Billy finally get rid of Ellie's body by throwing it into the river. The two then proceed to fish, fulfilling Billy's desires.During the end credits are outtakes and behind-the-scenes looks at Johnny Knoxville performing as Irving in the outrageous stunts, and the reactions of all the unknowing extras when the filmmakers pop out to inform them that they're shooting a movie.The credits end with a dedication to the late Ryan Dunn.
    

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