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The Gatehouse


            Ever wondered what the ultimate stagknight would be for your best buddy? One you carefully designed for him and for you too? Imagine it goes wrong in a dark pythonesque way but remains true to the sleazy cult schlock horror of your roots with a team of loveable, losers out to settle old scores and a dark British legend that has survived for over a fifteen hundred years until now. You cant right thats too stupid. It gets better.
Cruising straight for Mordreds Keep is Brian Seamen and his long estranged paintball team. For him it was to be the perfect stag night, all he could imagine. His beloved Weekend Warriors are back on the bus after five years and up for one last missionBut Happy Valley Paintball Park has something waiting for them and it aint all that happy.. Coolly welcomed by the low and slow Fay Morgan and her mute giant little brother William. The Warriors emerge as latex superheroes and enjoy a wicked woodland game of paintball issuing payback, settling old scores etc. If you have ever played paintball you are going to relate to this.Later Brian and Santos wander deep in the woods on a man to man preamble and stumble upon a genuine satanic Knights Templar ritual. The monks summon Prince Mordreds huge dark Guardian Knight to purge those who seek the cross.
Brian is captured tied up in black wrestling bondage gear and abandoned by his mates masquerading as the monks and left out in the woods to find his own way back. Unfortunately an uninvited guest arrives. In the cabin the guys get completely trashed in spectacular style, sex, drugs (laxatives in Brians case) and booze flows freely until tempers flash beyond control. The boys decide that a night game will settle it.What Stagknight or horror film would be complete without the ultra hot babes! Rising star Jocelyn Osorio plays the beautiful heroine Blossom and gorgeous Danielle Mason plays the hilariously filthy stripper Ginger two girls whod make any stag night complete. Sandra Dickinson (Hitch-hickers guide to Galaxy) plays the evil hag owner.
Tooled up and ready to hit the woods, what they dont know is theres a new player in the game, a big, fast, badass one who wont stop until its game over. Forget Jason, forget Freddy, come party with the newest old bad boy around! [D-Man2010]Deep in the woods outside London, an ancient evil lies undisturbed for centuries, until now. In the middle of nowhere it was to be the perfect Stagknight--strippers, pranks, drugs, booze and paintball. But for the bridegroom Brian and his team of Weekend Warriors, Happy Valley Paintball Farm isn't all that happy. As the party heats up and tensions within the group simmer, the lads face off for a night game--blissfully unaware that a far greater foe is waiting for them in the dark. [D-Man2010]
    

Simeon Willis

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