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Housesitter: The Night They Saved Siegfried's Brain


            Over the opening credits, five members of Yellowstream University's Pi Kappa Delta fraternity, including J. J. "Grossout" Gumbroski (John DiSanti), "Splash" (Ray Mann) and "Jock," (Mike Grabow) drive around the streets of Coral Gables, Florida, drinking beer and sticking their bare bottoms (mooning) out the windows of their converted hearse. They offend sorority girls, members of the patrician Omega Alpha fraternity, and townspeople, but when Grossout breaks wind in the face of jogging university president Robert J. McGafferty, the middle-aged man suffers a fatal heart attack.Meanwhile, two Omega Alpha members visit Dean Delbert Doyle (Dan Fitzgerald) in his office to complain about the "Pi Kaps," and Doyle promises he will institute a new strategy to "straighten them out," just like he did when he was formerly a prison warden. When the students remind him that the inmates burned down the prison under his regime, Doyle chokes with suppressed rage.Elsewhere, Grossout and the Pi Kaps return to their fraternity house with a dozen cases and several kegs of beer. Inside, fraternity "brothers" drink while they watch a film taken by a hidden camera in the locker room of the women's gym. Splash, an African American, pays his tuition by working as a janitor for the Omega Alphas, but he urinates in the water he uses to mop the floors, and when he returns to the Pi Kappa house, he carries a bag of stolen items.Kevin (Robert Small), the fraternity's only scholar, asks fellow Pi Kap "Chief Latrine," (Dan Chandler) a member of the Kissawong Indian tribe whose land the university now occupies, how the town and university came to be called Yellowstream. The chief explains that after his ancestors were forced to move upstream, they always urinated in the river flowing through town.Later, Grossout reads on the front page of the local newspaper, The Daily Crock, that an upcoming "Big Fart Contest" will pay $500 to the winner. Being the most gaseous Pi Kap, infamous for his flatulence, he decides to become a contestant, but first the fraternity has to raise the $50 entrance fee.During President McGafferty's funeral, Splash and Grossout sneak hashish into the church and burn it with a blowtorch next to a heating vent. Smoke fills the church, affecting mourners, and even McGafferty's family starts giggling. As he gives the eulogy, Dean Doyle becomes enraged at the president's corpse for allowing Pi Kappa Delta on campus. Several mourners stop him when he grabs the deceased's lapels and drags him out of the coffin. Shutting the lid, they accidentally shove the coffin, mounted on wheels, out the front door and into the back of the Pi Kaps' hearse. Grossout and Splash drive the coffin to the fraternity house and carry it inside.Tommy Matthews (Roy Sekoff), a new pledge, arrives with his parents, who are appalled by the condition of the Pi Kappa Delta house and the empty beer cans laying everywhere. Kevin promises them that, for a bribe of $500, Tommy will not undergo the fraternity's grueling initiation, which includes a chainsaw. Practicing for the "Big Fart Contest," Grossout experiments with different foods, but Chief Latrine's special Indian "buffalo punch" makes him explosively flatulent and blows him into a wall.After Tommy's parents leave, Grossout teaches him how to drink beer at a Chinese restaurant. The secret to drinking all night, he tells Tommy, is to vomit. In the restaurant kitchen, he demonstrates by sticking a finger down his throat and vomiting into a vat of soup. To avoid paying the group's bill, Grossout drinks milk, falls on the floor, and foams at the mouth. The management helps the students rush him out.At the farting contest, Grossout is intimidated by "Bucky" Zackabreski (Karen Gold), his former high school girl friend, whose flatulence is more spectacular than his. Grossout's only hope is the chief's "buffalo punch," but unfortunately, a dog drinks it first, and a sudden flatus sends the animal flying across the stage. Grossout is disqualified when he soils himself.Later, during a Pi Kap costume party, Grossout and Splash slip away to the nearby Omega Alpha house and steal a statue of Dionysus, which has been a fraternity "mascot" for generations. The next morning, when the statue is reported missing, Doyle and campus security Officer Percy (T.J. Tully) arrive at the Pi Kap house and find everyone passed out. As "Griselda," Grossout's inflatable love doll, repeats "I love you" over and over, the dean takes Percy's gun and shoots it, sending the doll flying around the room.That night, Fred (Charles Pitt), the straight-laced Pi Kap president, wears a gorilla costume when he takes Tommy to spy on a sorority, but while peeking through an upstairs window, Fred falls from a tree. When an ambulance arrives, one of the sorority sisters, Betty (Rahnee Reiland), rides in back with him to the hospital. Straddling Fred as she tries to help him breathe and take off his suit, she is accidentally thrown against him during the rough ride, and Fred's erection becomes stuck inside her. At the emergency room, the attendants fail to pry them loose, so they put Frank's gorilla mask back on his head and place a paper bag over Betty's head to protect their anonymity as they are wheeled through the hospital.Joan (Suzina Volpina), Tommy's girl friend, is a nice sorority girl who will not have sex with him, so Fred and Grossout use some of his parents' $500 to take him to Veronica's Massage Parlor. Veronica (Jean Jarvis) promises to send "Monica," her "super girl," but when Monica arrives, she turns out to be Joan.Meanwhile, Boyd (Glenn Scherer) and Lloyd (Lee Krug), the leaders of the Omega Alphas, suspect Splash as the Dionynus thief and beat him up. When Splash stumbles home, an enraged Grossout smashes the statue and throws the head through a window of the Omega Alpha house.The Omega Alphas raid the Pi Kaps house, but Kevin turns the tide by lighting Grossout's flatulence with a blowtorch, creating a flamethrower that scatters the attackers. The police arrive, arrest the Pi Kaps, and find President McGafferty's embalmed body sitting on a toilet.In the Dade County courthouse, Doyle appeals to Judge Lester Crumneagle (Lee Sandman) to throw the Pi Kaps off campus, but Kevin, who has been researching old maps and titles of the Kissawong tribe, provides evidence that the tribe owns the university.At the film comes to an end, the name of Yellowstream U. is changed to Kissawong U., and Grossout is elected university president.
    

Robert Small

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