
            The story opens with a promotional video featuring a new government weapon, the Crossbow aircraft, which is outfitted with a powerful laser. The laser has advanced accuracy that will allow it to vaporize any target from high altitudes. Though development of the plane itself is on track, the laser has yet to be completed.At a high school science competition, Mitch Taylor, 15, is approached by Dr Hathaway, who has been given the government's laser project. Mitch himself is a gifted student interested in working with laser technology. Hathaway tells Mitch and his parents that he wants Mitch to enroll at his university, Pacific Tech. Mitch's parents eagerly accept.Hathaway meets with a government official who tells him that the work on the laser is behind schedule and that the grant money he's gotten could be cut off.Mitch arrives at Pacific Tech and goes immediately to the lab where the laser is being developed. He finds the project's current leader, Kent, who dismisses him as a restaurant delivery boy. Kent is instantly abrasive with Mitch, asserting that he is Jerry's right-hand-man, until Jerry walks in & informs Kent and his toadies that Mitch is going to lead the project. Jerry also asks of the whereabouts of Chris Knight, one of Pac Tech's smartest students and whom Mitch will be working with. One of Kent's buddies tells Jerry that Chris has blown off his time in the lab.Mitch goes to his dorm room, finding it a cornucopia of odd decorations and objects, with clothes strewn about. He looks in his suitcase and finds his clothes are all missing. As he looks around, a strange and silent man enters the room, walks into the closet and closes the door behind him. Mitch opens the door and sees that the man has disappeared. When he turns around, he finds his roommate, Chris Knight himself, doing a handstand. Chris tells Mitch that Mitch reminds him of how he once was and that he requested Mitch be his roommate. Mitch realizes that Chris is not a button-down academic but more of a free-spirit who does everything he can to avoid responsibility but still exceeds academically.Chris meets with Jerry at his home - a large Victorian that he's clearly sprucing up with the government grant he's gotten. He tells Chris that, with Mitch's assistance, the laser will have to be five megawatts in power and must be finished by May. He also says he wants Christ to spend more time in the lab on the project.Chris and Mitch work on developing the laser while participating in the antics of the science dorm's students. Ick covers one of the hallways in ice, prompting the others to go sledding and skating. Mitch meets Jordan, a chatty, "hyperkinetic" woman who lives down the hall and claims she never sleeps. Kent walks in with a stack of research on the laser for Mitch to read and analyze and also informs Chris that Mitch's placement test scores were higher than Chris'. Chris doesn't seem to care anyway. The ice vaporizes a few minutes later and Ick scares Kent into his room when he gleefully exclaims that the steam might explode.Mitch soon begins to buckle under the pressure of his classwork and the laser research. He also gets frustrated when Chris doesn't seem to take the project seriously. While working in the lab together one night, Chris starts up the laser, which throws a beam all through the building and outdoors to the school auditorium where Chris has set up a lavish indoor beach party with female students from a local beauty tech school. He tells his friends to have a good time. Mitch is mostly uptight about the party until Jordan shows up to test out a new rebreathing system she's invented. However, Kent sees the party and immediately runs off to tell Jerry. When Jerry arrives, he harshly admonishes Mitch in front of the crowd. Mitch goes back to the lab and, too upset to work, storms out to an office and calls his parents. One of Kent's friends sees him and calls Kent and the rest of his toadies. They record Mitch's conversation. At lunch the next day, Chris finds Mitch and consoles him about Jerry's unfair reprimand. After Chris leaves, Mitch suddenly hears his conversation with his parents being broadcast over the PA system. He rushes back to the dorm and begins packing his things. Chris catches up with him and talks him into staying by relating his own experiences from high school: he too was a nerdy kid whom his parents insisted be sheltered from an ordinary and fun life. Chris was also envied and disliked by his fellow classmates and his teachers because he was plainly smarter than they were. He also talks about the man who hides in their closet: Laslo Hollyfeld, who was the star student at Pacific Tech in the 1970s and who suffered a breakdown, leaving him hiding in the steam tunnels under the dorm. By the time of their conversation, Mitch had found out where Hollyfeld's hideout was and had seem him printing out strange cards by the thousands. Mitch realizes that he can become a burnout like Hollyfeld very quickly and decides to loosen up. However, the first order of business is to get even with Kent. The two, with a little help from their friends, take Kent's prized 1972 Citroen and somehow sneak it into his dorm room. Kent is infuriated and promises to complain to Jerry about it after Mitch and Chris happily confess to the prank.Jerry receives further pressure from the government to complete the laser. He tells Chris that he won't let him graduate unless the laser is done ahead of schedule. Chris protests but is quickly shot down. Later, while he sits around looking despondent, Mitch finds him and tries to boost his spirits, saying they have to get even with Jerry. The two work long hours and seem on the verge of completing the project. Chris takes Jerry's final exam, passing the professor a note saying he aced it, however Jerry is obviously undeterred in his wish to fail Chris. In the lab, Kent sabotages Chris and Mitch's work, causing catastrophic failure. When he suggests later that he caused the meltdown, Chris throws a tantrum, causing the thermos of frozen nitrogen he keeps in the dorm freezer to clatter to the floor. Chris has an epiphany and rushes off to find Mitch.Chris later shows up at Jerry's house after hours and tells him he's solved the laser problem. He also discovers that Jerry was in the midst of a tryst with the daughter of one of the government officials overseeing the project. They go to the lab where Mitch and Chris show how they solved the problem with a new type of freezing technology that blasts through the solid steel target, the brick wall behind it through a statue and a few trees, even off campus to the marquis of a local biker bar. Jerry is overjoyed, and offers Chris a lucrative job with a high tech company, a job he was going to offer to Kent. Jerry quickly leaves the lab, over Kent's protests.While they all celebrate at the biker bar, Laslo asks them about the laser and the power level they achieved. He also asks about the applications of such a laser and they all realize with horror that they were working on a military project the whole time. Back at the lab, they find the laser is gone. They only have one lead: Kent, whom they think may know where Jerry took the unit.They knock Kent out in his dorm room with sleeping gas and rig his braces with a microphone and speaker. Pretending to be the voice of Jesus, Mitch asks Kent what he knows about the theft of the unit. The team begins to surveil Jerry, discovering he's gone to a nearby Air Force base. They craft fake ID cards for Mitch and Chris, who steal onto the base and find their invention in a fighter plane. When they connect via modem with Laslo at his hideout, Laslo is able to help them change the coordinates of the target for the laser's test. They're forced to rush out of the plane when Jerry shows up for a final inspection.The next day, Jerry oversees the test of the laser. The gang waits at Jerry's house. Chris has called in one of the university's high-ranking deans and a United States senator. They all hide when Kent, ordered to the house by Mitch's Jesus voice, walks up to the house. The test proceeds and the laser fires, completely missing it's intended target, the beam blasting its way into Jerry's foyer. Inside, Kent has found a huge aluminum foil tub full of popcorn that the beam hits. The popcorn expands and begins to destroy the house, tumbling Kent harmlessly out the front door. When Jerry tracks the location of the shot, he sees his house falling apart. Laslo shows up in an brand new RV and a trailer towing all the prizes he won with the contest tickets he'd been churning out. He remarks that this math may have been off and that they may have used too much popcorn in their prank. The gang celebrates their victory while the local kids all play in the popcorn. Jerry returns to his house later, upset that it's been trashed.
    

Real Genius


            Thorton Melon is a successful and wealthy businessman who owns a nationwide chain of clothing stores for overweight people. Melon himself came from humble beginnings where his father pushed him to succeed in school, however Melon himself, despite his sharp business skills, never attended college. At a meeting of his top staff, he accepts a few new investment ventures and suggests modifying a few more when his son, Jason, calls him. Jason is a student at a prestigious school, Grand Lakes University. His father asks him how he's doing with his studies, if he's enjoying being in a fraternity and if he's doing well as part of the diving team. Jason tells him all is fine but is actually lying to his father; he isn't in a frat and he's only the towel boy for the diving team.Melon's snooty, mean and spendthrift 2nd wife, Vanessa, holds a dinner party for her rich friends at their luxurious house. Thorton mentions that nearly all the people who attend are only there for free food and drink and want to schmooze her for donations. While he raids the fridge for a beer, he catches Vanessa in a tryst with another man, Giorgio. Thorton has known about the affair for some time and when Vanessa demands a divorce, he presents her with papers and shows her several Polaroids of her having sex with Giorgio.After the party, while he practices diving in his pool, Thorton talks to his personal aide and bodyguard, Lou, about how he's let Vanessa weaken his relationship with Jason. He decides he's going to make a surprise visit to Grand Lakes to see his son. When they arrive, Thorton goes to the wrong Greek house - it's a sorority house - and finds out that Jason isn't in a frat or on the diving team. Jason tells him that he's unhappy at the university because he hasn't made very many friends and the frats & diving team don't want him as a member. Thorton tells him that he needs to stay in college so he can be successful in life. He also tells Jason that he'll join him for a semester at the university, enrolling as a freshman.Thorton has no record of his academic achievement to qualify as a student so he persuades the school's academic dean, Dean Martin, by donating money to construct a new building that will house the Thorton Melon School of Business. The school's dean of the business department, Philip Barbay, is appalled that Thorton is able to bribe his way into Grand Lakes. Thorton counters by saying that he has real world business experience that trumps Barbay's academic credentials.Thorton and Jason register for classes and both take Barbay's business course. In the first class, Thorton counters nearly every point Barbay makes about his lesson plan for the semester where they will learn about theory by building a fictional company that will make and sell a product. Later, Thorton and Jason attend a literature class taught by Diane Turner whom Thorton embarrassingly falls for immediately. Though she's seeing Barbay, she seems to enjoy Thorton's freewheeling personality and dates him as well. When Thorton forgets that he's supposed to meet Jason for a study session, Jason instead meets with a young woman who he's smitten with, Valerie, and they bond, despite Valerie's attachment to a snobby student, Chas. Meanwhile, Thorton, while partying at a local bar, comes to the aid of Jason's roommate, Derek, a politically radical troublemaker who'd earlier disrupted a pep rally for the football team. The team's captain threatens to beat Derek when Thorton has Lou intervene, prompting a huge brawl. Thorton later comments that the football team isn't nearly as tough as his high school team was.Thorton also connects with the school's diving coach; the man knew Thorton when he was an entertainment diver on a pier in Atlantic City. The coach tells him that Jason tried out for the team but didn't do well. Thorton has Jason execute a difficult dive for the coach on the spot.
Thorton soon finds that he likes the fun aspects of college; hanging out in bars, throwing parties, schmoozing with female coeds, but he doesn't like the academic work involved. He brings in his senior staff and hires people from scientific corporations to do his classwork for him. Jason is angered when his father presents him with an astronomy paper that Jason wants to do himself. Jason becomes further disillusioned with his father when, after he makes the diving team, that his father might have persuaded the coach to let him join.One night during a wild party thrown by Thorton in the dorm room he had luxuriously renovated, Thorton is caught in the hot tub by Diane with several young women. His relationship with her is further hurt when she reads the paper he'd turned in on Kurt Vonnegut, saying that he couldn't possibly have written it himself and that the person who wrote it for him didn't know anything about Vonnegut. (Thorton had called in Vonnegut himself (who appears in a cameo) for assistance.)Barbay soon goes to Dean Martin with charges leveled against Thorton of academic fraud. Thorton lies and insists the work he did was his own but Barbay trumps his claim by suggesting that Thorton's final exams be given to him in oral format so he can't cheat. Thorton begins to pack, wanting to leave. Jason convinces him to stay and that he and his roommate, Derek, and Lou will all help him cram for his finals.When Thorton's big day arrives, he's exhausted. Barbay starts the proceedings, giving Thorton a grueling single question composed of 27 sections. Thorton persists and answers all the parts correctly. When he wants to give up, Diane asks him to recite Dylan Thomas' "Do not go gentle into that good night". Thorton gets a boost and finishes his exams.The Grand Lakes diving team has a match the same day. Jason does very well, earning high points while Thorton watches and waits for his exam results. When the team begins to fall behind their rivals, the diving coach calls Thorton poolside to execute his famous Triple Lindy dive from his Atlantic City days. Thorton is reluctant but Lou talks him into it. Thorton executes the dive, involving bouncing on several diving boards on 3 different levels of the platform and the team wins the match. Diane finds him after, telling him he earned all D's in his classes and one A from her.Thorton is allowed to give a humorous address to the graduating class. He tells them to stay in college and become successful, drawing laughter from the crowd.
    

Back to School


            
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Guarding Tess


            Officer Frank Dooley (John Candy), a 10-year veteran of the LAPD, is framed for the theft of a television set by two corrupt detectives (who Dooley had actually caught robbing an appliance store). He is dismissed from the force, but escapes criminal punishment at his day in court.The next court case features hapless and nervous defense attorney named Norman Kane (Eugene Levy) attempting to defend a Charles Manson-type white supremacist cult leader named Lawrence Lupik (Glenn Withrow), who threatens to kill him should Kane fail to keep him out of prison. A fearful Kane reveals his ineptitude and the death threat to the judge (Stacy Keach, Sr.), who tells Kane that he will give Lupik "A sentence so long he won't even remember his own name, let alone yours" so long as Kane agrees to find another line of work with a "lot less responsibility".Dooley and Kane meet for the first time when they both apply for work at Guard Dog Security, a low-rent firm run by the gruff "Captain" Clarence O'Connell (Kenneth McMillan) and part of a security guard's union requiring heavy $15 a week contributions that is represented by Clyde Klepper (Jonathan Banks) and Tony Lazarus (Brion James). Becoming licensed armed security guards after a single afternoon of training, Dooley and Kane are made partners by Guard Dog supervisor Maggie Cavanaugh (Meg Ryan) and assigned to night duty at the Carlex Pharmaceutical Company's warehouse.During their first night, after being loudly ordered to take a lunch break by senior guard Bruno (Tom Lister, Jr.), Kane happens upon an armed robbery of the warehouse and quickly calls over the radio to Frank for help, but they prove no match for the thieves (the robbers are Klepper and Lazarus in ski masks) who used machine guns. Kane unwittingly escapes into the "Annex" where Bruno had told them to stay away from as it was guarded by the K9 Patrol (Rottweiler's and Doberman's). In there he is chased by the dogs until Frank shows up and fights them off with unusual tactics, including biting one and punching another.The next day, the pair are berated and fined $100 each by O'Connell for their screw up in not nabbing or identifying the thieves despite their contention that they had machine guns and were wearing ski masks. This leaves them suspicious of the company as they hadn't done anything to warrant the hefty fine (almost a week's pay). When Maggie asks about the meeting afterwards, both men vent their anger about O'Connell (Dooley calls him a jerk while Kane calls him a "Sub-human, moronic, poop head"), only to be informed by Maggie that O'Connell is actually her father.Dooley and Kane then attend a meeting of the union, where after getting turned down in their plea to have the fine revoked and it being revealed that Klepper and Lazarus work for Carlino, Kane pointedly questions union president Michael Carlino (Robert Loggia) about how the union dues each member is required to pay are spent (roughly $4 million per year). After Kane rejects an evasive answer from Union treasurer Lou Brackman (James Tolkan), an enraged Carlino threatens to break Kane's legs should he ever attend another union meeting and then abruptly adjourns the meeting.Over the next few days, Dooley and Kane find themselves assigned to work at a landfill and a toxic waste dump, causing both to come to the conclusion that the assignments are the result of Kane speaking out at the union meeting. At the toxic waste dump, Dooley and Kane listen to a similar story by two burned-out guards about a robbery incident over three weeks ago when they were on warehouse duty and forced to take their lunch break by Bruno which resulted in the warehouse getting robbed while they were away.Convinced something illegal is afoot, the pair track down Bruno at his gym and interrogate him. With the threat of heavy weights crashing down on his head, Bruno confesses that it was O'Connell who had called him that night and instructed him order them to lunch the night of the robbery. After getting Bruno go, the bumbling duo make a quick escape from the gym while an angry Bruno chases after them on foot.The pair then visit an old friend of Dooley's, a retired thief named Cappy (Tony Burton) to get information on Carlino. Upon learning of Carlino's corruption (which cost Kane a weeks pay in bribes for information as Cappy wouldn't take money from Dooley), they bring their suspicions to Maggie, but she rejects them as having no evidence to back them up.Dooley and Kane next crash a formal dinner party thrown by Carlino in hopes of gathering some evidence. Eavesdropping on a meeting between Carlino and Brackman, they learn of Carlino's use of the union's pension fund to finance dealings with a Colombian drug cartel and his plans to have the money robbed from an armored car, with insurance covering the loss. Fearing an investigation by the insurance company in which he will be the fall guy for turning the fund into cash, Brackman urges Carlino not to go through with the robbery. In response, Carlino instructs Klepper and Lazarus to dispose of him. Dooley and Kane attempt to save Brackman, but are too late to prevent his murder and instead find themselves framed for his death. At the party, Maggie asks O'Connell about what is happening, he refuses to give her any answer and tells her to stay out of his business.A long chase beings as Dooley and Kane are chased by Carlino's henchmen from the Hollywood Hills and through downtown L.A., and evade them, only to run into the police which their car goes off the road. After hiding out in a porno bookstore and peep show, Dooley and Kane evade the bad cops looking for them by somehow dressing up as outlandish gay couple (Dooley being a 'Divine' lookalike and Kane as a leatherman), the two spend the rest of the night evading the police.In the morning, the cross-dressing duo meet with the receptive and amused Maggie where they reveal Carlino's intentions and make plans to prevent the armored car robbery. Kane and Maggie take over driving the truck, while Dooley plans to meet them ahead of the would-be robbers. On the 6th Street Bridge, Dooley has problems with his motorcycle and is forced to hitch a ride with "Cowboy" (Steve Railsback), a wild trucker who eagerly disobeys traffic laws and uses his truck to ram his way through a traffic jam (while hauling VERY flammable rocket fuel).Meanwhile, Kane and Maggie avoid assaults from multiple cars attempting to hold them up. With the Cowboy's help, Dooley is able to arrive in time to save the armored car from a guided missile strike and foil a final attack from Klepper and Lazarus with his illegal .50 caliber handgun (Dooley tells The Cowboy that they only used the gun to hunt Buffalo "up close", and that its only legal in two states, but California wasn't one of them). O'Connell, a willing partner of Carlino's, no longer willing to abide the scheme after Carlino threatened to hurt Maggie if he didn't co-operate with the robbery, arrives having captured Carlino and his associates, the two detectives who originally framed Dooley and had him thrown off the police force.The criminals are arrested and the Police Chief (Bruce Kirby) invites Dooley back to the police force as a plain clothed detective... along with a reluctant Kane who wants to go back to the relative safety of being a lawyer.
    

Armed and Dangerous

Hostage for a Day


            Kate Hartounian (Jessica Lundy) is the teenage daughter of a wealthy and widowed real estate developer of Armenian and Jewish descent. Eager to improve her lot in life, she makes friends with Miffy Young (Chynna Phillips), a snooty WASP girl, who encourages her and her father to join their country club.Kate and her father, Jack (Jackie Mason), apply for membership at Bushwood Country Club... club from the first movie. Jack is a self-made millionaire, yet remains self-effacing, friendly and generous despite his wealth. His crude personality foils him on many occasions. However, one member, a widow named Elizabeth Pearce (Dyan Cannon), shows a liking to him.When the current members meet Jack, who builds low-income housing in more upscale neighborhoods, his application to join is rejected. The rejection is borne out of his oafish personality and an earlier confrontation with Bushwood's snobbish president (and Miffy's father) Chandler Young's (Robert Stack) wife. Cynthia Young (Dina Merrill) had tried unsuccessfully to persuade Jack to build his housing complex away from her neighborhood, but her less-than-subtle snobbery leads Jack to chase Cynthia with a bulldozer. It's actions like these that build a divide between Jack and Kate.Meanwhile, Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) returns, this time as the club's majority share owner, and while he admires Jack, he prefers to stay out of the way Jack's business and of the club's day-to-day operations.The elitist members of Bushwood reject Jack's membership application and pull strings to suspend his housing operation. In retaliation, Jack buys the majority stock to Bushwood from Ty and turns it into an amusement park. Chandler, incensed at the thought of a mere "nouveau-riche" individual getting the better of him, hires Captain Tom Everett (Dan Aykroyd) (who code-names Chandler Mrs. Esterhaus), a shell-shocked mercenary operating out of a lunch wagon, to "discourage" Jack from building any more structures on Bushwood property. The bumbling Everett decides to use explosive golf balls to do this.Meanwhile, Chandler uses his lawyers and connections to shut down Jack's housing construction site. Webb suggests that the dispute should be resolved like gentlemen, by facing each other in a golf match. If Chandler wins, Jack loses his construction site and the country club, and if Jack wins, he keeps the Bushwood and the housing project.At the climatic golf match, despite Jack's poor performance early in the match, with luck he ties the match before the final hole. However, during the hole, Jack is faced with a 50-foot putt, while Chandler faces a simple 2 foot putt. Using advice given to him by Webb before the match, Jack manages to use spiritual chanting and the adage "be the ball" to sink the nearly impossible putt. Chandler needs to sink the easy 2 foot putt to tie the match. Meanwhile, Everett, who foolishly shoots himself in the buttocks with a poison dart, fails to eliminate Jack as a gopher (the same mischievous gopher from the first film) steals his explosive ball. The mischievous gopher replaces Chandler's ball with the explosive ball, and as his family encouragingly crowds around him as he taps in his final swing, the ball bursts and Jack wins the match.Though Kate is embarrassed by her father's actions, she is still loyal to him, as evidenced when she commiserates to Miffy, who suggests that she change her last name from Hartounian to Hart. Bewildered at the thought of turning her back on her family name, Kate turns her back on Miffy and makes up with her father. Also, Jack finally asks Elizabeth out on a date, and she accepts.
    

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