Holiday Touchdown: A Bills Love Story


            This adventure wilderness work must've been produced by someone who's paddled in the Boundary waters with sentimental references to Knife Lake, Ely, MN, etc. But beyond being simply a travelogue of a long weekend canoe trip, the mostly feuding couple are under psychological pressure to hide some stolen money, make themselves scarce from the reach of the law, and come to terms with each other's failings.
The plot is somewhat contrived starting off with the fact that the main protagonist is an out and out thief with the standard gym bag stuffed with hundred dollar bills. Evidently the 7 year marriage had run into difficulty with rent, bills, the standard 7 year old daughter who is strangely absent for the entire epic. So the movie opens with Travis explaining to a business acquaintance of questionable morals that he has lost a lot of money which magically appears later in his gym bag on a canoe trip. As previously said, a bit contrived. He lies to his wife (very attractive Native American) to cajole her into heading into the Boundary Waters around May 23rd, when the ice goes out. But just in order to get to the trailhead, they spend some time in small-town bars, playing pool, quaffing down shots, making small talk with their boring peers. The wife, Aimee, spends a minute talking to a buff much bigger dude, which automatically qualifies her for an adultress, which indeed, she is, as we find out later in the tent when she fails to answer the big question by just not saying anything! (Wives, that NEVER works!)
At this point I should mention that the highlight of the film was the actual BWCA - the Boundary Waters. The scenery of the lakes, woods, streams, and cliffs is stunning and warms the cockles of any canoeist's heart immediately. The director pays ample tribute to the technical details of preparing for a trip (hurling canvas bags into the pickup and slamming the latch as hard as possible), borrowing the boat (a pristine cedar strip canoe, with paddles and the mandatory life jackets which no one wore - a punishable offense now), remembering to bring the lighters to light the campfires of which there were many, and the high point of any canoe trip - cooking the food which in the wilderness is more valuable than gold. Unfortunately, there are no actual scenes of the noodles, beans, bacon, flapjacks or ANYTHING being cooked over a hearty fire. For the fishermen, we don't see so much as a Northern Pike being hauled into the boat. We don't see any mounties. We don't see them tipping over which EVERYBODY in the theatre is patiently waiting for. Kudos to the producer for not including that triteness, as well as any squirrels, bears, beavers, wolves, moose, bobcats being shot, viewed, mishandled, or petted. However, Travis does a magnificent job of needling Aimee constantly with his juvenile whining, illogical statements and evidence of how to make the wrong judgment about nearly everything. He is a pathetic example of manliness, treating his friends, wife, and the public with zippo respect and consideration, and would make a great client of the devil. He is kinda cute though. I should interject that his canoeing technique sucks and he badgers his bow partner without remorse to PADDLE which is the worst thing you can do on a canoe trip unless you want someone to tomahawk you in the middle of the night. Aimee pretends to be a cheechako when she first gets in the canoe, but I bet she was probably born in one.
Somebody DOES tip over, however, the surprise couple who upstage the protagonists in the middle of the film! They are a jolly wandering couple whom one inevitably meets by chance in the Boundary Waters and who are horny as hell - the male counterpart anyhow. They imbibe a little. Travis manages to pull out not one but FOUR whiskey bottles out for a little party around the campfire (Their packs look like 20 lbs. apiece but contain the kitchen sink and all). They play some little show and tell game which I've never seen in my life, and someone mentions they should all strip and go to town. IT NEVER HAPPENS. Don't get your hopes up. It seems strange, but on real canoe trips, much stranger things do happen! Anyhow, the alcohol has the opposite effect and everyone snuggles into their own bag! So the rest of the film devolves into Travis's and Aimee's formulating life plans and sorta making up, and you can guess how that goes. I mean, we got a bag of stolen money, a dirty trail left by a totally naive immoral husband, a disappointed wife with a 7-year-old to raise, a need to HIDE the money, a canoe trip just begging to go all to hell, and two volatile tempers. So you tell ME HOW IT SHOULD END!
    

Patrick Mulvey

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