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Wu-Tang Clan: Of Mics and Men

Power Book II: Ghost

Concrete Cowboy


            Inside King Diaz's Church, people are manufacturing drugs. Two dark and scary looking gunmen enter. These are the Allentown Brothers (Key and Peele in dual roles). They shoot up the place. People die. Bullets fly. A cat runs through all the action narrowly missing injury. Everyone is dead. King Diaz comes out from hiding and the cat runs up to him. Uh-Oh! The Allentown Brothers are still there. Diaz begs them not to hurt his cat. The Brother played by Jordan Peele picks up the cat. They like each other, but that doesn't stop the Brothers from killing Diaz. The cat runs away. The cops show up and we hear gunfire as the cat runs through Los Angeles.Meanwhile, Clarence (Keegan-Michael Key) drives in his mini-van, jamming to George Michael Faith. He calls his friend Rell (Jordan Peele). Rell just got dumped by his girlfriend. He explains, while hitting his bong, that she said he was a loser. Clarence says hell be right there. They hang up and theres a scratching sound at the door. Rell opens it to find the cat, now completely covered in filth.Clarence arrives shortly after and assures Rell that everything happens for a reason. Rell, much happier now, agrees and says, I want you to meet Keanu. He presents the now freshly bathed cat.2 WEEKS LATERClarences wife and daughter are headed out for a weekend trip with their friend Spencer (Rob Huebel) and his daughter. Spencers wife got food poisoning and wont be joining them. Spencer rolls up the window as Clarence says goodbye to his wife. As they leave, Clarence considers that for a beat, but decides that its probably nothing.He heads over to Rell's house to find him making a cat calendar posing Keanu in different movie parody photos. They head out to see a Liam Neeson movie. When they return to Rell's place, they find someone broke in, trashed it and most importantly STOLE KEANU!!!They call the cops and are told that a lot of times break ins are people either looking for drugs or looking for stuff they can sell for drugs. So Rell decides to check with his dealer to see if he knows anything. His dealer, Hulka (Will Forte) is his next door neighbor. Hulka tells him it sounds like the 17th Street Blips did it. Rell demands to know where the 17th Street Blips hang out. Obviously 17th Street is specifically a topless bar called Hot Party Vixens (HPV for short). The leader of the Blips is a guy named Cheddar (Method Man).Clarence and Rell go to HPV to look for Cheddar. Rell adopts his street voice and tells Clarence to toughen up too because right now he sounds like Richard Pryor imitating a white guy. One of the strippers takes Clarence's wedding ring. Hi-C (Tiffany Haddish) asks them what they're doing there. They say their names are TekTonic and Sharktank and theyre there to meet Cheddar. She takes them to see him. Cheddar wants to know why hes never seen them before. TekTonic (Peele) says maybe they didn't want to be seen. That immediately makes Cheddar assume theyre the Allentown Brothers. Yep! Tek/Rell agrees that they are. Cheddar heard about the slaughter at King Diazs Church and wants the Allentown Brothers to teach his crew how to get the job done. He also picks up a baseball cap and reveals underneath it is Keanu, dressed in gold chains and a do-ragnow named New Jack. Tek says they'll help Cheddar in exchange for the cat. Cheddar says he aint for sale. Tek tells him that everything has a price. So Cheddar says that if they help his crew deliver some Holy Shit (its like smoking crack with God) hell give TekTonic the cat.Meanwhile, the Allentown Brothers trace Keanu's dirty paw prints to Rell's house, which leads them to Hulka. Hulka tells them that Rell is with the Blips trying to get the cat back.Rell convinces Clarence to go along with helping the Blips because he needs the cat, plus itll be just like Clarence's day job. Hell be teaching Team Building exercises. They escort the Blips (Bud, Trunks, Stitches and Hi-C) to the deal. On the way there, the Blips ask them a bunch of questions about the details of the King Diaz Church massacre. They heard that the Allentown boys ran up a wall, flipped in midair and shot people at the same time. Rell tries to talk his way out of demonstrating that, while in the background Clarence runs up a wall and flips. They head to the deal in Clarence's mini-van. The Blips want to know why Clarence drives a weak ass van. Clarence says its because the police don't even look at him in it. Everyone heads to the Hollywood Hills.At a mansion, TekTonic goes inside to do the deal with Hi-C while SharkTank and the rest of the crew stand watch. Sharktank introduces them to George Michael music and soon enough everyone is singing along. He convinces them that George Michael is hard because he used to roll with a dude named Ridgeley, but when they split up, WHAM, no one ever heard from Ridgeley again!Inside the mansion.TekTonic and Hi-C are at the home of Anna Farris (herself). She got to do some Holy Shit while she was in Europe and is excited to get her hands on more. She has a couple of friends over and theyre having a big old drug party. Tek and Hi want to collect the money, but Anna tells them to respect the game. She pulls out a sword and makes them play Truth or Dare. Hi-C picks truth and tells a story about a time she cut off a guys dick. Tek picks truth and says he once cut off two dicks. Hi-C picks dare and Anna dares her to shoot Tek. There's a big fight and Hi-C kills Anna Farris and her friends. They take the money and run.Back at HPV, Clarence (as Sharktank still) is bonding with the rest of the Blips. One of them even gets a George Michael tattoo. Rell (still as TekTonic) and Hi-C bond. She thanks him for helping her kill all those people. He corrects her and says that she killed all those people. He goes in for a kiss, but is denied. Rell just wants to get Keanu and get out of there now that they've done the deal, but Clarence is having fun finally cutting loose. He says that Rell's just jealous that the Blips like him more. To prove hes wrong, Rell smokes some weed with them and offers it to straight laced Clarence. Clarence says he only smokes from pipes. Someone offers him a pipe on the spot. He hits it and offers it to the Blips who say they dont mess with Holy Shit.Clarence trips hard! He sees himself in the George Michael Faith video, singing and dancing together. Then he sees Keanu talking to him. Keanu (voiced by Keanu Reeves) tells him to be excellent and where he goes is up to him. Clarence says "that's some Matrix shit". His ringing phone snaps him back to reality. Its his wife. She tells him that shes coming home early because Spence was being inappropriate. Clarence tells Rell, lets get Keanu and get out of here. They do, but are caught by the real Allentown Brothers.They're tied up and the Allentown Brothers are going to kill them, but Keanu manages to scratch through the rope and free Rell. Rell frees Clarence and they grab guns. They tell the Allentown Brothers that they're going to shoot them unless they let them take Keanu and go. The Allentown Brothers don't listen. Clarence and Rell shoot the Allentown Brothers. They hit the ground, but a moment later pop back up. More gunfire to the chest and theyre down again.Clarence and Rell escape, but are caught by Cheddar. They come clean and tell Cheddar what happened. Cheddar tells them that they're going to be his Allentown Niggahs anyway. So they head to Bacon Diaz (Luis Guzmans) estate so Cheddar can collect the bounty. Clarence and Rell insist theyre not really the Allentown Brothers, but when Bacon sees Keanu, he recognizes him as his cousins, King Diaz, cat Iglesias. Bacon wants Iglesias back so his aunt has something to remember his cousin. Cheddar thinks about it for a second, but decides to light this bitch up. There's a huge gunfight. Clarence is pleased because he sees that the Blips did learn some team building techniques and are doing well in the shoot out because they're communicating. Hi-C gets shot and drops the Keanu. Rell chases after him, gets him, does a wall flip and is shot in the leg by Bacon. Clarence gets shot in the hand. Bacon takes the cat and gets in one of his cars. Rell jumps in the front seat and drives off. He tells Clarence hes going to his house. Clarence steals Bacon's sons car and chases after them.Bacon and Rell car fight. Bacon shoots out the windshield. Rell hits the brakes and Keanu ends up on hood. Bacon is going to kill Rell, but Keanu jumps in and claws Bacons face. Rell smashes the car into the retaining wall in front of Clarence's house. Bacon flies out. Clarence shows up. Bacon gets up, but shows up and kills him. Hi-C turns on Cheddar. Shes an undercover cop with the LAPD. Spencer shows up to drop off Clarence's wife. Clarence punches him out. His wife kisses him and tells him, I want you to fuck me right now! They go inside.Rell and Hi-C talk. Her real name is Trina Parker. Anna Farris friends were undercover cops too. The police hire celebrities all the time like Steven Seagal and Shaq. Anna Farris was undercover too. The whole thing was faked. She kisses him. He tells her hed like to go someplace. She says, Mm-hm. Jail. But Ill testify on your behalf.6 Months LaterClarence and Rell are in jail, but its not that bad. They're heroes because they killed the Allentown Brothers. The rest of the Blips are in jail too.The credits roll over different movie parody scenes with Keanu. Post credits: The Allentown Brothers sit up one more time. They're still alive!!!
    

Keanu

How High

The Indestructible Jimmy Brown


            The film opens in the Lower East Side of New York City in 1903. A group of Hasidic Jewish men are gathered in the shop of a cobbler (aka: shoe repairman) to discuss a problem that has been plaguing them. A crook named Gergerman has been running their businesses out and harassing the men and their families. The men hand over a pair of Gergerman's shoes to the cobbler, Pinchas Simkin (Donnie Keshawarz). Pinchas takes the shoes to the basement of his shop and uses a special stitching machine to work on the shoes. His young son Herschel (Ethan Khusidman) enters, and Pinchas explains to him the importance of the machine.In the present day, Max Simkin (Adam Sandler) works as the cobbler in the shop. His work neighbor is Jimmy (Steve Buscemi), who operates the barber shop next door. A young woman named Carmen Herrera (Melonie Diaz) comes in to tell Max that she is working with the community of the Lower East Side to prevent big time developers from tearing down parts of the neighborhood to build huge complex buildings. Max doesn't seem to care at all what happens to the shop.Max lives at home with his ailing mother Sarah (Lynn Cohen). The two of them wish they could see Max's father one more time.A local thug named Leon Ludlow (Method Man) goes into the shop for Max to replace the soles in his shoes. Max's current stitching machine fails, so he uses the one that his ancestors used. Out of curiosity, he checks Ludlow's shoe size to see that he wears a size 10 1/2 like Max. Max tries the shoes on, and to his surprise, he literally becomes Ludlow. He grabs other shoes and uses the machine on them, realizing what he can do with this.Max uses this newfound magical ability to take peoples' shoes and live as someone else. He goes to Chinatown as a Chinese man to enjoy the day. He then goes to a restaurant as another man and leaves without paying for his meal. He also takes the shoes of a British man named Emiliano (Dan Stevens) after his girlfriend Taryn (Kim Cloutier) brought them in. As Emiliano, Max goes to a bar and is noticed by beautiful women. One woman approaches him and notes that she saw him (Emiliano) somewhere leaving with a man. Max then finds out where Emiliano lives and goes there where he sees the nude Taryn taking a shower. She invites him to join her. He eagerly starts to take off his clothes until he realizes that once he takes off even one shoe, he will no longer be Emiliano, so he leaves.Max decides to make his mother happy by using the shoes that belonged to his father Abraham (Dustin Hoffman). He has dinner with Sarah as Abraham and gives her one more night of happiness.The next morning, Max finds that Sarah has passed away. He and his family sit Shiva for the week. When he returns to work, Ludlow demands that he get his shoes back or he'll kill Max. Max gets multiple shoes and follows Ludlow in disguise back to his apartment. Using Ludlow's shoes, he meets Ludlow's girlfriend Macy (Dascha Polanco), who has apparently been abused by Ludlow. Max goes into Ludlow's room to find his watches, and ends up uncovering a cache of guns and other weapons. The real Ludlow returns and starts to choke out Max (still wearing Ludlow's shoes) until Max zaps him with a taser.Max joins two thugs that think he is Ludlow to an area where they are holding a man captive for stealing from them. They are about to kill him on Ludlow's orders until Ludlow-Max tells them to let the guy go. Furthermore, Max is taken to the home of a slum lord named Elaine Greenawalt (Ellen Barkin). She gives Ludlow-Max a large amount of money to buy out a man from his building.Max goes back to Ludlow's home wearing the stilettos of a cross-dressing man. Ludlow attacks him again until Max removes a shoe, startling Ludlow when he sees Max. He tries to attack Max again until Max sticks the other stiletto in Ludlow's neck, killing him. Max turns himself into the police, but when they return to the apartment, Ludlow's body is gone, and the blood is cleaned up. The police leave Max alone and confused.Jimmy confronts Max about his recent odd behavior. He tells Max that his father did the same thing before he disappeared, and that he kept this a secret from Max to protect him.Max goes with Carmen to the apartment of Mr. Solomon (Fritz Weaver), the man that Greenawalt is trying to buy out. He refuses to leave, as he has lived there for decades and even raised his daughter there. Max comes up with a plan to trick Greenawalt into giving him a large amount of money while still letting Solomon keep his home. When Greenawalt realizes she's been played, she goes to Solomon's home and threatens him with murder. She is caught on camera by a local news reporter, and she is later arrested.Max's life starts to go back to normal. Carmen goes into the shop and invites him out to dinner, which Max accepts. He later goes to Ludlow's home as Ludlow to return the watches to Macy, and he tells her that he's sorry and that she deserves better. As he leaves, he is abducted by a group of men led by the same man that stole from Ludlow's gang. They are about to drive off when their car is struck killing all the gang members and only Max survives.Max wakes up in Jimmy's barber shop. Jimmy offers him some water and a pickle, stating that pickles help with the transition from one body to another. Max asks how he knew about that. Jimmy takes off his shoes to reveal that he was Abraham the whole time. Both elated and angry, Max hugs his dad. Abraham brings him to the basement to show him a huge collection of shoes that he's gathered over the years. Abraham then takes Max to his limo and rides with him through the city as he starts to tell him the story of how the stitching machine came into their family's possession.
    

The Cobbler

Backstage

Love Beats Rhymes

Rebel

#Lucky Number


            THE MORTICIAN is a contemporary urban noir. A redemption tale, the story of a man stepping from darkness into to light, one man's struggle through the violence and corruption of a dying city where the poor are corralled into lawless ghettos. Alienated and cold, The Mortician (Method Man) processes the corpses with steely disregard. He is lonely and isolated.He is introduced to his new employee, Noah, (EJ Bonilla) by the morgue boss (Edward Furlong). A volatile youth working as part of his parole, Noah brings the notorious gangster, Carver (Dash Mihok), to the mortuary door. The Mortician's attention is pricked by the tattoo of Botticelli's 'Birth of Venus' inked on the body of a murdered woman (Judy Marte), that arrives at the morgue, triggering a series of haunting dreams from his childhood.Discovering a scared child, Kane (Cruz Santiago), fleeing the morgue, he's forced to act. Kane sparks The Mortician's emotional awakening. They become reluctant allies struggling for redemption. They flee from danger, determined to escape the physical and emotional chains that threaten to imprison them forever.
    

Method Man

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