The Automat


            
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The Electric Company


            Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) is a lecturing physician at an American medical school and engaged to the tightly wound socialite Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn). He becomes exasperated when anyone brings up the subject of his grandfather Victor Frankenstein, the infamous mad scientist; to dissociate himself from his forebear, Frederick insists that his surname is pronounced: "fraunk-en-stein". When a solicitor informs him that he has inherited his family's estate in Transylvania after the death of his great-grandfather, the Baron Beaufort von Frankenstein, Frederick travels to Europe to inspect the property. At the Transylvania train station, he is met by a hunchbacked, bug-eyed servant named Igor (Marty Feldman), and a lovely young personal assistant named Inga (Teri Garr).Upon arrival at the estate, Frederick meets the forbidding housekeeper Frau Blücher (Cloris Leachman), whose name makes the horses of the nearby stables nay and tremble (a running joke used throughout the film). Upon discovering the secret entrance to his grandfather's laboratory and reading his private journals, Frederick is so captivated that he decides to resume his grandfather's experiments in re-animating the dead. He and Igor steal the corpse of a recently executed criminal, and Frederick sets to work experimenting on the large corpse. Matters go awry when Igor is sent to steal the brain of a deceased revered historian, Hans Delbrück; startled by lightning, he drops and ruins Delbrück's brain. Taking a second brain, Igor returns with a brain labeled "Do Not Use This Brain! Abnormal", which Frederick unknowingly transplants into the corpse.Soon, Frederick is ready to re-animate his creature (Peter Boyle), who is eventually brought to life by electrical charges during a lightning storm. The creature makes its first halting steps, but, frightened by Igor lighting a match, he attacks Frederick and must be sedated. Meanwhile, the townspeople are uneasy at the possibility of Frederick continuing his grandfather's work, unaware of the creature's existence; most concerned is Inspector Kemp (Kenneth Mars), a one-eyed police official with a prosthetic arm and a thick German accent. Kemp visits the doctor and subsequently demands assurance that he will not create another monster. Upon returning to the lab, Frederick discovers Blücher setting the creature free. After she reveals the monster's love of violin music and her own romantic relationship with Frederick's grandfather, the creature is enraged by sparks from a thrown switch and escapes from the Frankenstein castle.While roaming the countryside, the monster has frustrating encounters with a young girl and a blind hermit (Gene Hackman). Frederick recaptures the monster and locks the two of them in a room, where he calms the monster's homicidal tendencies with flattery and fully acknowledges his own heritage, shouting out emphatically, "My name is Frankenstein!". Frederick offers the sight of "The Creature" following simple commands to a theater full of illustrious guests. The demonstration continues with Frederick and the monster launching into the musical number "Puttin' On the Ritz". However, the routine ends disastrously when a stage light explodes and frightens the monster, who becomes enraged and charges into the audience, where he is captured and chained by police. Back in the laboratory, Inga attempts to comfort Frederick and the two wind-up sleeping together on the suspended reanimation table.The monster escapes when Frederick's fiancee Elizabeth arrives unexpectedly for a visit, taking Elizabeth captive as he flees. Elizabeth falls in love with the creature due to his inhuman stamina and his enormous penis (referred to as Schwanstücker or Schwanzstück). The townspeople hunt for the monster. Desperate to get the creature back, Frederick plays the violin to lure his creation back to the castle and recaptures him. Just as the Kemp-led mob storms the laboratory, Frankenstein transfers some of his stabilizing intellect to the creature who, as a result, is able to speak for the first time and reason with and placate the mob. Elizabeth marries the now erudite and sophisticated monster with her hair styled identically to that of the female creature from the Bride of Frankenstein, while Inga joyfully learns what her new husband Frederick got in return during the transfer procedure the monster's Schwanzstücker.
    

Young Frankenstein

Ronnie's


            GI JEWS: JEWISH AMERICANS IN WORLD WAR II is the first documentary to tell the profound and unique story of the 550,000 Jewish men and women who served in World War II. The film brings to life the little-known story of Jews in World War II - as active participants in the fight against Hitler, bigotry and intolerance.Jewish Americans fought on two fronts: for America and for Jews worldwide. Like all Americans, they fought against fascism, but they also fought a more personal fight-to save their brethren in Europe. In the midst of it all, they battled anti-Semitism within the ranks of the U.S. military-facing slurs and violence from their fellow servicemen. New York City mayor Ed Koch, who served in the infantry, wrote later, "it wasn't only Hitler, it was here in America."The extraordinary experiences of these men and women are at the heart of the film, telling the story of World War II from a uniquely Jewish perspective. It is a story of immigrants-who had close family remaining behind in Hitler's Europe, and who earned their American citizenship by shedding blood.Speaking on-camera are "the greatest generation" of Jewish Americans, both famous and unknown. Writer/directors Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner tell stories of being Jewish in training with humor and pathos. Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger and artist Si Lewen escaped Nazi Germany as teenagers, then returned to their homeland to fight as American soldiers. Ellan Levitsky nursed the wounded after D-Day, and Lt. Lester Tanner was saved by his Protestant commanding officer in a Nazi POW camp.The film also features the stories of Jewish veterans no longer with us, including baseball star Hank Greenberg, and writers Norman Mailer, J.D. Salinger, Leon Uris and Joseph Heller, who transformed their war experiences into powerful literature.Jewish soldiers, including Alan Moskin and Eliot Herman, were among the first to reach the concentration camps liberated by American troops. Many spoke Yiddish, so they could offer the survivors their first words of solace and comfort. In archival footage, we watch Rabbi Chaplain David Max Eichhorn arrive at Dachau, praise the survivors for their bravery and heroism, and lead them in a moving moment of prayer.Jewish servicemen and women were changed forever by their military service and their encounter with Hitler's atrocities. Returning home, they continued to fight for the values for which they had risked their lives -- for religious freedom and civil rights in America.In the end, the story of the Jewish GIs is the story of becoming American - of an immigrant group taking their part in the nation's progress towards democracy and tolerance.
    

GI Jews: Jewish Americans in World War II

Free to Be... You & Me


            In the American Old West of 1874, construction on a new railroad led by Lyle (Burton Gilliam) runs into quicksand. The route has to be changed, which will require it to go through Rock Ridge, a frontier town where everyone has the last name of "Johnson" (including a "Howard Johnson", a "Dr. Samuel Johnson", a "Van Johnson" and an "Olson N. Johnson"). The conniving State Attorney General Hedley Lamarr (Harvey Korman) wants to buy the land along the new railroad route cheaply by driving out the townspeople. He sends a gang of thugs, led by his flunky assistant Taggart (Slim Pickens), to scare them away, prompting the townsfolk to demand that Governor William J. Le Petomane (Mel Brooks) appoint a new sheriff. The Attorney General persuades the dim-witted Le Petomane to select Bart (Cleavon Little), a black railroad worker who was about to be hanged. (Bart had hit Taggart in the head with a shovel after Taggart ignored him and his black friend sinking in quicksand, deciding to save their handcar instead.) Lamarr believes a black lawman will so offend the townspeople that they will either abandon Rock Ridge or lynch the new sheriff, with either result paving the way for him to take over the town.With his quick wits and the assistance of drunken gunslinger Jim (Gene Wilder), also known as "The Waco Kid" ("I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille"), Bart works to overcome the townsfolk's hostile reception. He defeats and befriends Mongo (Alex Karras), an immensely strong, slow-thinking (but surprisingly philosophical) henchman sent by Taggart and Lyle to kill Bart, and then beats German seductress-for-hire Lili von Shtupp (Madeline Kahn) at her own game. Lamarr is furious that his plans keep failing and decides to destroy Rock Ridge with a newly recruited and diverse army of thugs (which Lamarr characterized as ideally consisting of "rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswagglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers, shit kickers and Methodists").Bart now has 24 hours to come up with a "brilliant plan to save our town". He gathers the town, along with the railroad workers, 3 miles east of Rock Ridge to build a fake town as a diversion. The workers labor all night to complete their task. The sun rises on a fake town that's a perfect replica, down to the orange roof on Howard Johnson's outhouse. Bart realizes the town has no people in it, so it won't fool Lamarr's villains. Bart orders the townspeople to make "exact replicas of themselves," and leaves with Jim and Mongo to execute a plan that will slow the villains "to a crawl". The three construct a tollbooth labeled "Le Petomane Thruway", requiring Taggart's crew to pay 10¢ each to pass on their horses. ("Now what will that asshole think of next?" snaps Taggart.) Since no one in the raiding party has any change, Taggart sends someone back to town to "get a shitload of dimes".Once through the tollbooth, Lamarr's villains attack the fake town populated with dummies, which Bart boobytrapped with several dynamite bombs. Bart tries setting off the bombs but is unsuccessful as the detonator does not work. Jim is given the task of exploding the bombs, and fires his pistol at them. After the bombs explode, launching villains skyward, the Rock Ridgers attack the villains.The resulting fight between the townsfolk and Lamarr's army of thugs breaks the fourth wall.... literally. The fight spills out from the Warner Bros. film lot into a neighboring musical set being directed by Buddy Bizarre (Dom DeLuise), then into the studio commissary, where a pie fight ensues. Taggart is knocked out when Mongo smashes his head on a cash register, and the fight finally pours out into the surrounding streets (specifically, Olive Avenue in Burbank). The citizens of Rock Ridge chase the villains back to town to destroy them, but Lamarr takes a taxi..... "off this picture." He arrives at Grauman's Chinese Theatre to watch the "premiere" of Blazing Saddles. Unfortunately, he sees on the movie screen that Bart has arrived outside the theatre. Bart ends up killing Lamarr by shooting him in the groin. Bart and Jim then go into the theater to watch the end of the film. The film ends with Bart leaving Rock Ridge, much to the sadness, of the townspeople and the railroad workers, for his work there is done. He intends to fight injustice in other parts of the world, which the townspeople and the railroad workers dismiss as "bullshit", and Bart admits it's simply getting dull around there. As he rides off, he finds Jim (who still has the popcorn that he bought at the theater), and the two decide to go off to "nowhere special." They then hand in their horses to the film crew horse wranglers, and ride off (in a limousine) into the sunset
    

Blazing Saddles

Laddie: The Man Behind the Movies

Inside Comedy

The 2000 Year Old Man

Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story

Spaceballs


            In Warsaw, Poland, in 1939, a famous Polish actor, Frederick Bronski (Mel Brooks), runs a theater and its troupe of actors and staff. Most of of the Bronski Theatre's routines are comic in nature: a very popular sketch is titled "Naughty Nazis" and features Bronski himself playing Adolf Hitler acting buffoonish, singing about how he plans to take over Europe a piece at a time.Bronski's wife, Anna (Anne Banckroft), always plays second fiddle to her husband: he doesn't see her as an equal and even resorts to putting his wife's name on the playbill in parentheses.Germany invades Poland and the war soon comes to Warsaw. One of the theater staff asks Bronski if a few Jewish friends can hide out in the basement of the theater. He reluctantly agrees. When the Gestapo forces Bronski to cancel the Naughty Nazis sketch because it insults Hitler, Bronski announces that he'll perform his "world famous Highlights From Hamlet" routine.On stage, he begins to recite the play's famous "To be or not to be..." scene and a young Polish army office suddenly stands up and begins to walk out. Bronski is crushed (and actually gives a great performance instead of his usual below-average acting). The man, Lt. Andre Sobinski (Tim Matheson), meets with Anna in her dressing room -- the line "To be or not to be" was a signal for him to sneak backstage. Sobinski himself is an adoring and devoted fan of Anna's and is deeply smitten with her.One night, officials from the Gestapo arrive at the theater and demand that all Jewish cast and staff report to their headquarters and register. At first, Bronski refuses but when the Gestapo threaten to shut down the theater, he gives in. One of the staff, Anna's dresser Sasha, is a gay man. Arriving in Anna's room at night, she notices a pink triangle on his coat which he tells her is the shameful symbol that all gay men must wear under Nazi law, just like Jews having to wear a gold star of David.Warsaw is quickly overrun by the German Wehrmacht. The Bronskis home is seized by the Nazis and they go to live with Sasha. Sobinski, who is on assignment in England, is at a pub with a large group of other Poles who are mourning the fall of their country. One of the men, Professor Siletski (Jose Ferrer), is able to travel easily between Allied territory and Occupied Poland. When asked to take word to the families of the soldiers at the pub, he agrees, having all the men write down names and addresses. Sobinski asks Siletski to deliver a message to Anna, however he becomes suspicious when Siletski initially says he hasn't heard of her. Siletski backpedals a bit and says he'll deliver the message, a simple "to be or not to be."Sobinski meets with British officers and his own superiors, telling them that anyone from Warsaw, like Siletski claims, would definitely know who Anna Bronski is. Sobinski's superiors inform him that Siletski is actually a traitor and spy working for the Third Reich. All the people whose names he collected will be hunted down and executed as Polish underground members. Sobinski asks to be sent back to Warsaw to hunt down Siletski.At the theater, Sasha suddenly runs in having been chased through the streets. The Gestapo is rounding up homosexuals in addition to Jews. Since the theater will be meticulously searched, Sasha hides by dressing like Anna in a large musical number where Anna will join Bronski onstage. The number comes to a halt when Sasha's wig and hat fall off and he is immediately recognized by the Gestapo and arrested. The theater is also shut down and locked up indefinitely.Sobinski is able to steal into Warsaw and locates Bronski at Sasha's home. Anna is not there, having been summoned to Prof. Siletski's office at Gestapo headquarters. Sobinski tells Bronski about Siletski's plan: Siletski plans to turn the names he collected over to the head of the Warsaw Gestapo, Colonel Erhardt. Because Siletski and Erhardt have never met, Sobinski and Bronski devise a plan to have Bronski impersonate Erhardt and get the list from Siletski. The uniforms that the company uses for the Naughty Nazis sketch will be used to gather Siletski and bring him to the Bronski Theatre where a fake Gestapo office will be set up for the ruse. Siletski is brought to the fake office and meets with Bronski. He hands over the list and reveals that he'd printed up a duplicate list to be forwarded to Nazi HQ in Berlin. Bronski needs to stall for more time, but while he does he accidentally reveals that the chair he's sitting in is a prop from the theater. Siletski sees through the ruse and pulls out a pistol. Threatening to shoot Bronski in the back, he escapes into the theater. He's eventually found behind the curtain onstage and shot dead by Sobinski.With the death of Siletski complicating the situation, Bronski agrees to impersonate the dead professor and go back to Gestapo HQ, free Anna and find the duplicate list. He dresses like Siletski and wears a false goatee and meets Anna in Siletski's room. Waiting there for him is Erhardt's adjutant, Captain Schultz, who is to take him to meet with his commandant. Bronski asks for a private moment with Anna, finds the duplicate list and burns it; at the same time he confronts her angrily about her "affair" with Sobinski. She reminds him that he has to meet with Erhardt to continue the ruse and he reluctantly agrees. He also remembers to leave word at the desk that Anna can leave any time.Bronski is brought to Erhardt's office. Erhardt, a loud and brash and buffoonish type, asks him for the list. Bronski says that he's still compiling it but does have the names of 2 members of the Polish underground -- both names are prisoners that were executed earlier. Erhardt becomes confused and takes out his anger on Schultz. During the meeting, Erhardt also tells a few jokes about the crabby nature of the Fuhrer, which Bronski uses to his advantage in cowing the cantankerous Colonel.Meanwhile, two of the theatre staff are transporting the body of Siletski in a steamer trunk. They hit a bump and the trunk falls out of the back of the truck. Two Nazi soldiers find the body inside and it is returned to Gestapo headquarters. Anna herself is summoned to meet with Erhardt, who is smitten with her. He tells her that Hitler himself is coming to Warsaw to see the Bronski theatre troupe perform an exclusive show and that the theatre will be temporarily reopened. She asks him to release Sasha, but is flatly refused since he's scheduled for transport already.Bronski later arrives at Erhardt's office and Anna is released. However, Erhardt has other plans for Bronski: he has Bronski wait in his office with the dead body of Siletski. Bronski, having brought a 2nd fake goatee with him, uses a shaving kit in Erhardt's bathroom to shave Siletski's chin and attach the fake goatee. When Erhardt comes back in with goons to interrogate Bronski, Bronski challenges Erhardt to tug on the dead Siletski's beard. It comes off in Erhardt's hand. Believing that Bronski is Siletski, he also agrees to Bronski's demand to let Sasha go. Just as Bronski is about to leave, some of Bronski's staff arrive dressed as Nazis and tell the already flustered Erhardt that they've discovered a plot to assassinate the Fuhrer. Though they do not know that Bronski has already bluffed his way out of trouble, they pull off Bronski's fake beard anyway as proof and take Bronski and Sasha with them.Back at the theater, Anna tells everyone about the Fuhrer's impending visit. They all agree that they must flee Poland before their ruse is really discovered. They plan to sneak out of the theatre during a clown car number, then disguising themselves as SS officers and leave in the trucks and cars the real SS arrived in. Bronski himself will be disguised as Hitler, while one of his actors, Lupinsky, will recite Shylock's speech about Jewish heritage from The Merchant of Venice as a distraction for Hitler's elite guard, who are to be stationed outside his theatre box. Included in the escape will be all the Jews that have been hiding in the theatre.The performance goes off with few problems. Anna is unexpectedly met at the theater by Erhardt who continues to flirt with her. Lupinsky gives an impassioned reading of Shylock's monologue and is taken into "custody" and leaves with Bronski. After the clowns have all exited and Bronski is outside, he goes back inside to see what's delaying Anna. Erhardt is astonished to meet Hitler face-to-face and is left a babbling idiot when Bronski tells him he knows about a joke he'd cracked at Fuhrer's expense.The troupe drives to the airport. Most of them are able to board the Fuhrer's private plane but they are discovered by the nearby guards. Everyone makes it aboard, including Anna's little Shih-Tzu and they take off. Their compass is broken and they fly until they run out of fuel. They crash land in a large field. Bronski suggests that he go outside first in case they've landed in German-occupied territory. He finds a small pub and goes inside, still dressed like Hitler. The pub is British and the customers and staff are all shocked.Later, Bronski and Anna meet with British officials and are granted asylum in England until the war ends. Bronski requests that his troupe be allowed to perform, specifically Bronski's Highlights From Hamlet sketch. While in front of a respectful audience, he recites "To be or not to be..." and a young man suddenly rises and begins to excuse himself. Bronski is flustered. Before the closing credits roll, the cast all take congratulatory bows while the actors' names flash on the screen.
    

To Be or Not to Be


            The film is a parody of the historical spectacular film genre anthology, including the sword and sandal epic and the period costume drama subgenres. The four main segments consist of stories set during the Stone Age, the Roman Empire, the Spanish Inquisition, and the French Revolution. Other intermediate skits include reenactments of the giving of the Ten Commandments and the Last Supper.The Stone AgeA group of cavemen (including Sid Caesar) depict the invention of fire, the first marriages, the first artist (which in turn gives rise to the first critic), and early attempts at comedy and music, by smashing each other's feet with rocks and thus creating an orchestra of screams (until performing Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" at the end).The Old TestamentMoses (Mel Brooks) is shown coming down from Mount Sinai carrying three stone tablets after receiving the Law from God (the voice of an uncredited Carl Reiner). When announcing the giving of the reception of the law to the people, Moses proclaims, The Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen... (whereupon he drops one of the tablets, which promptly shatters) Oy... ten! TEN Commandments! For all to obey!The Roman EmpireComicus (Brooks again), a stand-up philosopher, is notified by his agent Swiftus (Ron Carey) that he has landed a gig at Caesar's palace. En route to the palace Comicus meets and falls in love with a Vestal Virgin named Miriam (Mary-Margaret Humes) and befriends an Ethiopian slave named Josephus (Gregory Hines). Josephus' life is spared when he is conscripted into the service of the Empress Nympho (Madeline Kahn). In ancient Roman culture, Miriam could have freed Josephus just by touching him, because she was a vestal virgin. Comicus' arrival at Caesar's palace was filmed at the Caesars Palace hotel in Las Vegas.At the Palace, Emperor Nero (Dom DeLuise) gorges on food, ogles pretty maidens and waits to be entertained. Comicus forgets his audience and begins to crack insulting one-liners about the emperor's abundant body contours and corrupt ways. Josephus absentmindedly pours a jug of wine into Nero's lap and is ordered to fight Comicus to the death in a gladiatorial manner. They fight their way out of the palace, assisted in their escape by Miriam, Empress Nympho and a horse named Miracle.After Miriam helps Comicus, Josephus and Swiftus briefly find refuge in Empress Nympho's home, Josephus is "outed" among a row of eunuchs after "reacting" to a seductive dancer's performance, and the group is chased by Roman soldiers led by Marcus Vindictus (Shecky Greene). As the soldiers gain on the group's cart (pulled by Miracle), Josephus instructs them to pull over in a field and requests lots of papyrus. He takes "Roman Red" marijuana which is growing alongside the road and rolls it into the papyrus, forming a device he calls Mighty Joint, sets fire to it and mounts it to the back of their chariot, trailing smoke into the chasing army.The resulting smoke confuses and incapacitates the trailing Roman army. The escaping group then sets sail from the port to Judea. While waiting tables at a restaurant, Comicus blunders into a private room where the Last Supper is taking place, as Jesus is telling the apostles "One of you has betrayed me tonight". The Apostles are asking "Who?". Comicus says "JUDAS." Judas, startled, almost jumps out of his seat as Comicus replies "Do you want a beverage?", and interrupting Jesus (John Hurt) repeatedly (using his name as an expression for dismay or concern, right in front of him). Eventually, Leonardo da Vinci (Art Metrano) arrives to paint the groups portrait. Dissatisfied that he can only see the backs of half of their heads, he has them move to one side of the table and paints them with Comicus behind Jesus, holding a silver plate which doubles as a halo.The Spanish InquisitionThe Spanish Inquisition segment is performed in the style of a grandiose Busby Berkeley production. The segment is one long song-and-dance number featuring Brooks as the infamous Torquemada. The segment opens with a herald introducing Torquemada and making a play on his name, noting that despite the pleas for mercy from the condemned, that you "can't Torquemada anything" (talk him outta anything). Several instances of "comical" torture are shown including a spinning iron maiden and "water torture" re-imagined as an Esther Williams-style aquatic ballet with nuns. Jackie Mason and Ronny Graham have cameos in this scene as Jewish torture victims.The French RevolutionIn the tavern of Madame Defarge (Cloris Leachman) she incites a mob to plot the French Revolution. Meanwhile, King Louis of France (Brooks again) is warned by his advisors, Count de Monet (played by Harvey Korman and mistakenly called "Count da Money" by the king and others) and his associate Béarnaise (Andreas Voutsinas), that the peasants do not think he likes them a suspicion reinforced by the king's use of peasants as clay pigeons in a murderous (and humorous) game of skeet. A beautiful woman, Mademoiselle Rimbaud (Pamela Stephenson), asks King Louis to free her father, who has been imprisoned in the Bastille for 10 years because he said "the poor ain't so bad." He agrees to the pardon under the condition that she have sex with him that night, while threatening that should she refuse, her father will die. He then gives her 10 seconds to decide between "hump or death" and at the last second she agrees to "hump".De Monet manages to convince the king that the revolution is building and he needs to go into hiding, so they will need a stand-in to pretend to be him. Thus Jacques (also Brooks), the garçon de pisse (a.k.a. "piss-boy"), is chosen to impersonate the real king. Later that night, Mlle Rimbaud, unaware of the subterfuge, arrives and offers herself to the piss-boy who is dressed as the king. As she invites him to take her virginity, he pardons her father without requiring the sexual favors. After Mlle Rimbaud and her senile father (Spike Milligan) return from the prison, the peasants burst into the room and capture the piss-boy king and Mlle Rimbaud. They are taken to the guillotine for the crimes committed by the crown. When asked if he would like a blindfold or any last words, Jacques declines. However, when they test the guillotine, Jacques make a final request for Novocain. The executioner declares "there is no such thing known to medical science", to which Jacques replies "I'll wait". Just as Jacques is about to be beheaded Mlle Rimbaud muses that "only a miracle can save him now", and Josephus arrives in a cart pulled by Miracle, the horse from the film's Roman Empire segment. They all escape Paris, riding away in the cart. The last shot is of the party approaching a mountain carved with the words:THE END.Previews of coming attractionsThe end of the film presents a teaser trailer for History of the World, Part II, narrated by Brooks, which promises to include Hitler on Ice, a Viking funeral, and Jews in Space, a parody of Star Wars set to music (whose tune would later be recycled for the title song of Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights an actual, separate Brooks parody of sci-fi films would come along six years later, focusing primarily on Star Wars and including numerous Jewish jokes).Despite the preview, no sequel has been released, and the Part I of the films title is merely a historical joke. (The History of the World was a book about the ancient history of Greece and Rome, written by Sir Walter Raleigh while prisoner in the Tower of London; he had only managed to complete the first volume before being beheaded).
    

History of the World: Part I


            Robin Hood, or Robin of Loxley (Cary Elwes), is captured during the Crusades and is imprisoned at Khalil Prison in Jerusalem. With the help of fellow inmate Asneeze (Isaac Hayes), who was arrested for jaywalking, he escapes and frees the other inmates. Robin is asked by Asneeze to find his son, Ahchoo (Dave Chappelle). Upon returning to England, he finds Ahchoo and discovers that Prince John (Richard Lewis) has assumed control while King Richard is away fighting in the Crusades. Unbeknownst to Richard, the prince is abusing his power. Robin returns to his family home, Loxley Hall, only to find it being repossessed by John's men. His family's blind servant, Blinkin (Mark Blankfield), informs Robin that his family members and pets have all died as well, and the only thing his father left him is a key which opens "the greatest treasure in all the land."Robin recruits the large and ignorant Little John (Eric Allan Kramer), and his friend Will Scarlet O'Hara (Matthew Porretta), to help regain his father's land and oust Prince John from the throne. On his quest, Robin also attracts the attention of Maid Marian (Amy Yasbeck) of Bagelle, who wants to find the man who has the key to her heart (and Everlast chastity belt). They are also joined by Rabbi Tuckman (Mel Brooks), who shares with them his sacramental wine and bargain circumcisions. While Robin is training his band of tights-clad Merry Men, the spoonerism-spouting Sheriff of Rottingham (Roger Rees), hires the Mafioso Don Giovanni (Dom DeLuise, parodying Marlon Brando's performance of Vito Corleone in The Godfather) to assassinate Robin at the Spring Festival (with archery tournament), spoofing a similarly outlandish plot twist from the Costner movie involving Scottish mercenaries. The archer who will carry out the assassination is a parody of Clint Eastwood's Man with No Name character. Maid Marian hears of the evil plot, and sneaks out of her castle to warn Robin, accompanied by her frumpy German Lady-in-Waiting Broomhilde (Megan Cavanagh). The Sheriff and Don expect that Robin will not refuse a chance to participate in the archery tournament due to his pride, and Robin does just that.At the archery tournament, a disguised Robin makes it to the final round, where he makes his shot but loses to his opponent. Robin calls this situation absurd, takes off his disguise and pulls out a copy of the movie's script to discover that he gets another shot. The Sheriff and Prince John then pull out their own copies and confirm this (much to their annoyance). Giovanni's assassin attempts to kill Robin by shooting at him with a scoped crossbow, but Blinkin catches the arrow in midair. Robin then takes the second shot, this time using a special "PATRIOT arrow" and hits the target. After winning the tournament, Robin is arrested. Before Robin is taken away, Marian promises to do the most disgusting thing she can think of in exchange for Robin's safety: marry the Sheriff.Several hours later, the ceremony commences with the opening prayer in "The New Latin" (Pig Latin). The Abbot (Dick Van Patten) quickly and discreetly reveals the Sheriff's unimposing first name, Mervyn. Before Marian can say "I do", the castle is attacked by the Men in Tights, led by Little John, Ahchoo, Blinkin, and Will. They quickly free Robin and a battle ensues. Marian is carried off to the tower by the Sheriff, who wants to deflower her but cannot get around the chastity belt without some uncomfortable chafing.Robin arrives and begins to duel the sheriff, during which Robin's key falls into the lock of Marian's chastity belt, and Robin realizes it really is the key to "the greatest treasure in all the land." After winning the fight Robin spares the sheriff's life only to miss his sheath and accidentally run the sheriff through. The witch Latrine (Tracey Ullman), Prince John's full-time cook and part-time adviser, saves him by giving him a magical lifesaver in exchange for agreeing to marry her. Before Robin and Marian can "celebrate" in her bedroom, Broomhilde arrives, insisting they get married first. Rabbi Tuckman conducts the ceremony, but they are suddenly interrupted by King Richard (Patrick Stewart), recently returned from the Crusades, who insists on sanctioning the marriage with a kiss to the new bride. He orders John to be taken away to the Tower of London and made part of the tour. He also announces that, as the Prince has surrounded his given name with a foul stench, all the toilets in the kingdom are to be renamed "johns".All being as it should be, Robin and Marian are married and Ahchoo is made the new sheriff of Rottingham. When the crowd expresses its disbelief at a black sheriff, Ahchoo reminds them that "it worked in Blazing Saddles". When the night comes, Robin and Maid Marian attempt to open the chastity belt only to realize her lock will not open with his key (to her fury and dismay). The film ends with Robin calling for a locksmith.
    

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

It's Always About the Story: Conversations with Alan Ladd, Jr.


            The story begins at the Los Angeles airport were Dr. Richard H Thorndyke (Mel Brooks) is introduced. Throughout the airport he encounters some strange characters, first a screaming woman running toward him with an umbrella, who turns out to just be excited to see her husband, and a gay man posed as a police officer (Fredric Franklyn), who tries to come on to him in the mens bathroom. Thorndyke then meets Brophy (Ron Carey), his driver and sidekick, who likes taking photographs of everything. They soon depart for PsychoNeurotic Institute for the Very, Very Nervous, where Thorndyke is to be appointed the new director position. The old director, Dr. Ashley, died of a sudden heart attack, however Brophy thinks he was a victim of foul play.Arriving at the institute, Thorndyke is greeted by the staff, Dr. Philip Wentworth (Dick van Patten), Dr. Charles Montague (Harvey Korman), Nurse Diesel (Cloris Leachman), and Professor Lilloman (Howard Morris), his old professor and mentor. The latter of which begins to treat Thorndyke for his high anxiety caused by his fear of heights.As the staff is having dinner, Thorndyke inquires about the changes that Dr. Ashley wanted. As Dr. Wentworth begins to answer he is interrupted by Nurse Diesel, which causes the others to become uncomfortable. After dinner the Thorndyke learns that the patients rarely recover. Later that night while Thorndyke is preparing himself for bed, he is startled when a large rock is thrown through his window with a note attached welcoming him to the Violent Ward. Soon after loud noises are heard from Nurse Diesels room, she claims it was the TV. We discover that she and Dr. Montague have a BDSM relationship and the screaming heard was from Dr. Montague.The next day Thorndyke is going over some of the patient files. One patient in particular, Zachary Cartwright III (Ron Clark) whose family is paying $12,000 a month for his recovery, files shows that he gets well then suffers again from another psychotic break. Thorndyke wants to examine Cartwright and while he is not looking Montague secretly hits and scares Zachery, causing him to have a psychotic break again. After Zachary is escorted away, Thorndyke is annoyed by light coming from the building opposite his office. He is told its Author Brisbane (Charlie Callas), a multi-millionaire industrialist, and has it arranged for him to meet Author after lunch.During a hypnotic session with Dr. Lilloman, Thorndyke has another case of high anxiety. Lilloman suggest Thorndyle to fight out the emotions, in his hypnotic state, Thorndyke gets up and starts boxing across the room striking Lilloman and the two begin to fight. Montague enters and begins refereeing the two before breaking up the fight. Lilloman reveals to Montague that Thorndyke has high anxiety, he leaves the office and begins telling everyone about Thorndykes anxiety. Thorndyke is then introduced to Brisbane, who believes he is a dog.Dr. Wentworth (Dick van Patten) and Nurse Diesel are talking, and Wentworth wants to stop mistreating the patients so Diesel gives him permission to leave. While driving Wentworth turns on his radio, which begins plays a song very loud, after several attempts he is unable to turn off the radio or escape his car due to all the handles break off. After failing to escape his car Wentworth dies from a cerebral hemorrhage from busted eardrums. Thorndyke is scheduled to attend a psychiatric conference in San Francisco, although hesitant due to the death of Dr Wentworth, he is convinced to go by Nurse Diesel and Dr. Montague.Thorndyke, along with Brophy, travels to San Francisco to attend the conference. Upon signing into their hotel, they are informed by the desk clerk (Jack Riley) that a "Mr. MacGuffin" changed his room reservation to the top floor of the hotel. After arriving to his room he repeatedly pesters the bellboy Dennis (Barry Levinson) for a newspaper, wanting to see if there was any information about Dr. Wentworths death. After several requests for a newspaper, Dennis is driven mad, and attacks Thorndyke while he is in the shower with the newspaper, in reference to the shower scene from the movie Psycho. Thorndyke is then shown laying in the shower, appearing to be dead as the paper's ink runs down the drain, the scene ends with him calmly saying That kid gets no tip.After showering Thorndyke hears repeated knocking on his door, in spite of him asking who it is, the knocking continues till he opens the door. He opens the door and is met by peculiar woman who is acting very paranoid.
She introduces herself as Victoria Brisbane (Madeline Kahn), the daughter of Author Brisbane. She inquires about her father; he informs her that her father thinks hes a dog. She then states that her father is as sane as she is, and that his life is in danger. Brophy then knocks on the door to inform the doctor that he will be late for the conference. Unbeknownst to the two, they are being watched by a mysterious stranger (Rudy De Luca), who is also a professional killer.After the conference Victoria and Thorndyke are having drinks at the hotel bar. Victoria asks what the H stands for. Thorndyke reveals that it stands for Harpo, due to his mothers love of the Marx Brothers. The pianist (Murphy Dunne) then asks Thorndyke to sing, first declining he is encouraged to sing the song High Anxiety. Victoria drops her pocket book when a picture falls out, revealing that the man he met at the institute was not her father. They are overheard by the stranger from earlier. We then see Diesel and Dr. Montague plotting to get rid of Thorndyke by framing him for murder. Back at the hotel, Brophy, after checking out early, begins to take pictures of the hotel. We then see Thorndyke approach a man and shoot him before walking away. He goes to the elevator and waits for it, as the elevator doors open, Thorndyke exits the elevator and sees an imposter Thorndyke. Confused at what is going on the imposter removes his masks to reveal the stranger who was watching him earlier. Walking to the lobby Thorndyke is pointed out as the one who shot the man. In a state of panic Thorndyke runs out of the hotel.After escaping to Golden Gate Park, he phones Victoria to inform her of what happened, and asks to meet him at the park. While reading the paper he notices a kit of pigeons forming, they proceed to crap all over his coat. Thorndyke runs as the birds chase him and continue crap all over him, in reference to the movie Birds. He finds shelter only to notice that there is a hole in the ceiling and the birds are there and continue to crap on him.Thorndyke meets up with Victoria, whos on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The two look at the paper showing Thorndyke shooting the man. He then remembers that he was coming down the elevator at the time, and asks Victoria to contact Brophy and have him blow up the negative to prove he is innocent.Back at the institute Brophy is developing the photo, which still turns out to be too small to see the figure in the elevator. He vows to keep enlarging the photo till they can see Thorndykes face. We then see Brophy examining several of the enlarged photos, he moves along the different size photos before coming upon a very large photo, which shows Thorndyke in the elevator. Nurse Diesel and Dr. Montague confront him, and proceed to lock him in the north wing to prevent him from exposing the truth. Nurse Diesel calls the killer and tells him to kill Thorndyke. While on the phone with Victoria, the killer attempts to kill him by strangling him, Victoria to misinterprets the sounds as a sleazy caller.Thorndyke and Victoria, dressed up in disguises from items from the Salvation Army, make a scene at the airport as an elderly couple to get through the security checkpoint. The two sneaks into the institute and find Dr. Lilloman, who appears to be dead, but is only sleeping. He informs Thorndyke that Brophy was taken to the north wing due to a nervous breakdown. The three proceed to the north wing to rescue Brophy who is tied up in a room. Brophy tells them that Norton (Lee Delano) has taken Brisbane to the tower. They run to the tower to see Norton carrying an unconscious Brisbane up the tower stairs. After a few mishaps with Brophy and Lilloman, Thorndyke proceeds up the stairs in spite of his fear of heights. After falling through a step, he has begins to panic, until Lilloman helps him overcome his fear by making him remember an accident from his childhood. Overcoming his fear he climbs up the remaining stairs to the top of the tower, just in time to stop Norton from dropping Brisbane over the edge. While pulling Brisbane to safety they are approached by a screaming Nurse Diesel who then falls over the ledge to her death. After a happy reunion, Thorndyke and Victoria decide to get married.
    

High Anxiety

Get Smart


            In a world of robots, the Copperbottom family has a son, named Rodney. Growing up, Rodney becomes infatuated by famous robotics inventor Big Weld, and decides that he wants to be an inventor and work for Big Weld industries one day.Rodney spends his youth and teenage years trying to perfect his own helper robot. He attempts to show his Dad that the robot can help him wash dishes, but helper ends up causing more damage than help.Determined to make something of himself and pay off the damages the helper bot caused, Rodney decides to head to Robot City to fulfill his dream and work for Big Weld Industries.Upon reaching Robot City, Rodney finds the gates to Big Weld Industries shut, with no new ideas coming in. The company, now led by a robot named Ratchet, has also scrapped the business model of supplying spare parts for older robot models, and going with pricier upgrades for robots, with a new slogan titled, "Why be you, when you can be new."After being kicked out of Big Weld Industries, Rodney finds himself in a darker side of town, where a strange robot named Fender attempts to make off with his foot. Rodney chases after him, and finds a small collective of older robots scrounging for spare parts. In the ensuing chaos, Fender loses a part for his neck, and when the group goes to find a replacement part, finds this item has been discontinued. Even though Fender attempted to cannibalize him, Rodney helps Fender and manages to make a suitable neck replacement out of additional spare parts.Fender's sister, Piper, explains that many robots in Robot City are in desperate need of spare parts that Big Weld Industries used to make. However, in recent months, Big Weld has disappeared; the streets are now patrolled by motorized vehicles, known as Sweepers, that take obsolete models to a dark side of town known as the Chop Shop, run by Madam Gasket (Ratchet's mother). Any collected models never come back.Rodney bunks with the group and another robot named Aunt Fanny, but is surprised the next day when the local parts shop closes its doors, claiming that all spare parts orders from Big Weld Industries have officially dried up. All sorts of robot citizens are up in arms, but Rodney comes forward, and using what spare parts are left, helps those less fortunate.Soon, the parts loss is felt at home, as Rodney receives a letter from his parents, saying that without spare parts, his father will not survive. Word soon reaches Rodney about an annual company ball held by Big Weld Industries. Rodney and Fender break into the festivities in hopes to talk to Big Weld and convince him to help, since Big Weld always attends this function.However, Ratchet appears claiming that Big Weld couldn't attend. Rodney then comes forward, demanding to know where Big Weld is, and brings to the company's attention the plight of the average bot, of whom Rodney has spent several days trying to repair countless numbers of.Ratchet orders Rodney be captured, but he, Fender, and a female employee named Cappy manage to escape the party. Fender parts ways with the group, while Rodney and Cappy head to Big Weld's mansion to investigate. Rodney is at first excited to meet his childhood hero, but soon grows disillusioned when Big Weld tells him to give up his fight to fix the outmoded robots. Big Weld claims that in the face of change for Big Weld Industries, Ratchet took over, turning the company into an entity that was more about profits than helping others.Rodney then heads to the train station intent on going home, when the other robots and Fender appear. Fender, having just survived almost being destroyed in the Chop Shop, has overheard of the Sweepers being deployed in full force the next day by Madame Gasket and Ratchet to collect all the outmoded robots in Robot City.Big Weld also shows up, and inspires the group not to give up; they all return to Big Weld Industries to confront Ratchet; Big Weld (inspired by the bots still believing in him) fires Ratchet, who weeps and begs for another chance; caught off-guard, Big Weld succumbs to a knockout punch from Ratchet, who then realizes he's become as crazy as his own mother!Security arrives to remove Big Weld just as Rodney and Cappy turn up; between them they help Big Weld escape the building and end up being chased across Robot City, eventually ending up outside Madam Gasket's Chop Shop (although Big Weld goes shooting through the gates to the inside).The group all tool up and enter the Chop Shop to rescue Big Weld from a certain melting down, but are faced with Madam Gasket, Ratchet and the army of new-fangled Sweepers. Piper turns up with all of the city's outmoded robots; working together, they attack Madam Gasket's outfit and rescue Big Weld. Madam Gasket gets melted down and Ratchet gets strung up in chains (next to his poor hen-pecked father) simultaneously losing his flashy upgrades! Big Weld, Piper, Fender and the others all celebrate a victory.Rodney returns home (with Big Weld) and brings enough spare parts for his ailing parents; Rodney has been made Big Weld's right-hand bot, and eventual successor!
    

Robots


            The movie opens with the opening night (which is also the closing night) of washed-up producer Max Bialystock's (Nathan Lane) latest Broadway endeavor, Funny Boy: A Musical Version of Hamlet. The crowd leaves the theater exclaiming about how awful the show was ("Opening Night").Later, Bialystock's new accountant, Leopold Bloom (Matthew Broderick), comes to check the books for Funny Boy. Leo's visit is interrupted when Hold-Me-Touch-Me (Eileen Essell), one of Max's elderly backers, stops by to drop off a "checkie" and play naughty games with Max. Leo confesses that he's always wanted to be a producer. However, he's extremely nervous -- he carries his blue baby blanket with him, rubs his face with it when he becomes anxious, and descends into full-blown hysterics when Max takes the blanket away. After calming down and looking at the show's books, Bloom gets an idea and muses that you could make more money with a flop than with a hit, though it would be illegal. Bialystock tries to convince the insecure Bloom to collaborate with him to put on the biggest flop in history, then take the money and go to Rio de Janeiro ("We Can Do It"), but Bloom refuses and goes back to his accounting firm.Leo finds himself unhappy with his job and fantasizes about being a Broadway producer ("I Wanna Be a Producer," a big production number with elaborate sets and chorus girls wearing costumes made of pearls -- a riff on the line "beautiful girls wearing nothing but pearls" from "We Can Do It"). He has an epiphany and quits, returning to Bialystock and agreeing to help him with his flop. They form a partnership, Bialystock & Bloom.Max and Leo search for the worst play ever written and settle on Springtime for Hitler, a "singing love-letter to Adolph Hitler" written by Neo-Nazi Franz Liebkind (Will Ferrell). The lederhosen-wearing Liebkind receives them on his roof, where he raises carrier pigeons. The partners ask him to sign over the rights to produce the show, but first they are coerced into wearing swastika armbands while singing and dancing to "the Führer's favorite tune" and taking the sacred Siegfried Oath ("Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop"). They swear, under penalty of death, to never never never dishonor the spirit or the memory of Adolph Elizabeth Hitler.They then meet the worst director in town, a flamboyant homosexual named Roger DeBris (Gary Beach), and his equally flamboyant assistant Carmen Ghia (Roger Bart). DeBris, claiming that he's going to a costume party, appears in an elaborate sequined evening gown in the style of the Chrysler Building. It takes some persuasion -- and Max and Leo have to meet DeBris' live-in production team, who resemble the Village People -- but at the mention of a Tony Award, DeBris agrees to direct ("Keep it Gay"). DeBris' middle name, as it turns out, is also Elizabeth.Max and Leo return to their office to find Swedish bombshell Ulla Inga Hansen-Bensen-Yanson-Tallen-Hallen-Svaden-Swanson (Uma Thurman) wanting an audition, though none are scheduled. Bialystock allows her to try out anyway ("When You Got it, Flaunt it"), and they hire her as their secretary and cast her.At one point as they're preparing to go out, Leo asks Max if he can wear one of Max's black hats. Max tells him it's a Broadway producer's hat, and Leo can't wear it until he has a show on Broadway.Next, they need to raise the money: two million dollars. Bialystock pimps himself out to every rich old lady he can get his hands on in exchange for the dough ("Along Came Bialy"). Max and Leo return to their office to find that Ulla has painted everything white, from the walls and the furniture to the knickknacks and the telephone. Max leaves and Leo laments the danger that a relationship will distract him from his work, but he allows himself to kiss Ulla anyway ("That Face"). After the kiss, he throws away his blue blanket.Auditions are run by DeBris and his assistant Ghia, with Liebkind, Bialystock, and Bloom observing. During the singing auditions for Hitler, Liebkind flips out over a performance and shows the auditioner how the song is supposed to be sung ("Haben Sie Gehört Das Deutsche Band?"). Max hires Liebkind to play Hitler on the spot.On opening night ("Opening Night (Reprise)"), Leo turns up at the theater with the special Broadway producer's hat, but Max admonishes him not to wear it until the curtain has gone up and come down. Leo wishes everyone good luck, and the others (minus Bialystock) chastise him for breaking the ancient theater taboo while Bialystock invokes bad luck in every way he can think of, from breaking a mirror and walking under a ladder to throwing a black cat in front of people going backstage ("You Never Say Good Luck on Opening Night"). As Liebkind goes backstage there's a loud crash, and he exclaims that he's broken his leg. Desperate, they recast Roger DeBris as Hitler and file into the theater to watch Springtime for Hitler.The audience is horribly offended by the opening number and people begin to walk out. Then Roger DeBris enters as Hitler. After seeing the flamboyant Hitler playing the Nazis for laughs, the crowd views the show as a satire and loves it ("Springtime for Hitler").Bialystock and Bloom return to the office, distraught at the success of their show. Bloom fishes his blue blanket out of the wastebasket, grabs the two sets of books (one labeled "Show to the IRS," the other "Never show to the IRS") and attempts to go turn himself in, but is stopped by Bialystock. As they tussle, DeBris and Ghia arrive to celebrate. Liebkind, wearing a cast and carrying a crutch and a gun, bursts in shooting and shouting that Bialystock and Bloom must die because they broke the Siegfried Oath. There is commotion, DeBris and Ghia hide in the closet, and Liebkind runs out of bullets. Just as Max thinks he's saved the day by convincing Liebkind that it was the actors who mocked Hitler and therefore Liebkind should go kill them all, the police show up. They arrest Liebkind, who promptly breaks his other leg while trying to escape. Then they find the duplicate sets of books and arrest Bialystock for tax fraud, as Bloom is nowhere in sight. After they all leave, Ulla comes in and finds Bloom hanging on the back of the door. She convinces him to take the money from the safe and run away with her to Rio.In jail, Bialystock gets a postcard from Bloom about how much fun he and Ulla are having in Rio. Bialystock laments his predicament ("Betrayed"). However, Leo and Ulla come to Max's aid in court because Leo realizes that Max, despite being sleazy and manipulative, has been a good friend to him ("'Til Him"). Ulla reveals that she's now Mrs. Bloom ("he wouldn't do it unless we got married!"). Bialystock and Bloom are each sentenced to five years in Sing Sing penitentiary -- the judge (David Huddleston) conveniently ignoring the fact that Bloom is not being tried for anything. ("It breaks my heart to break up such a beautiful friendship, so I won't.") They write and produce a musical in prison ("Prisoners of Love," with piano accompaniment by Liebkind), selling 700% of the ownership shares to the prisoners and prison staff. They're pardoned and released because they lifted the spirits of the other inmates.Bialystock and Bloom take Prisoners of Love to Broadway, where Ulla and chorus girls play the prisoners and Max and Leo's prison buddies sit in the audience in chains. Leo finally gets to wear the producer's hat, and the partners become successful producers ("Leo and Max") of such blockbusters as A Streetcar Named Murray, South Passaic, Maim,  and Katz.
    

The Producers


            Goddard Bolt (Mel Brooks) is the callous CEO of Bolt Enterprises. Bolt shows little regard for other people's needs or for the environment, and has his eye on the slum of Los Angeles so he can tear it down. Bolt makes a bet with his biggest rival, Vance Crasswell (Jeffrey Tambor), who also has an interest in the property, that he can survive on those streets for 30 days. Should Bolt lose, Crasswell owns the property, but should Bolt win, Crasswell will sell it for practically nothing.There are three conditions: #1) Bolt will be completely penniless; #2) He must wear an electronic anklet that will activate if he leaves the boundaries, forfeiting the bet if he exceeds 30 seconds out of bounds; #3) At no time can he reveal to any of the slum area residents that he is Goddard Bolt. To add to the look, Bolt has his mustache shaved off, then Crasswell confiscates his toupee and rips the top pocket of his jacket.Unbeknown to Bolt, Crasswell schemes to make Goddard's stay on the streets as bad as possible. Bolt, homeless, hungry and filthy, is befriended by skid-row inhabitants like Sailor (Howard Morris) and Fumes (Theodore Wilson) and given the nickname "Pepto" after falling asleep in a crate with a Pepto-Bismol logo on its side. In the process, he meets and eventually becomes attracted to Molly (Lesley Ann Warren), a homeless woman who used to be a dancer on Broadway. During a scuffle with two muggers, Bolt is pushed out of bounds, which activates his anklet. To prevent the "30-second forfeiture", Bolt rushes back in, which impresses Molly with his supposed bravery as it looks like he is tackling the muggers.Bolt learns a series of important life lessons during his 'adventure', namely that life is not about accomplishments or material success but rather the integrity of the human spirit. However, Bolt is unaware that the unscrupulous Crasswell has no intention of honoring their bet. When Crasswell realizes Bolt is honoring the bet fair and square, Crasswell bribes Bolt's lawyers into fabricating the story that Bolt had lost his mind and has his property seized. Forced to live on the streets for good and remanded to a free clinic by mistake, a drugged Bolt murmurs that "life stinks", but Molly implores him to remember small things such as the two of them waltzing that make life livable. Crasswell, meanwhile has his own plans for the slum area, planning to tear it down as well. Bolt incites Fumes and the other slum residents to stage a mock battle on the ceremony while it is televised. Crasswell attempts to stop Bolt with a steam shovel, to which Bolt fights Crasswell in another steam shovel akin to "dinosaur fights". When Bolt's shovel has plucked Crasswell and has him hanging by his jacket, the scene is freeze-framed into a news report saying that Crasswell, in a court case, was forced to admit he made a bet with Bolt in order to get him to understand the slum conditions, then reneged on the terms. Bolt, now in control of the area, has plans to renovate it into the "Bolt Center" which will give the slum residents employment, renovate the tenements into livable homes and give the children a private school financed entirely out of pocket by Goddard Bolt. The news report ends by saying Bolt has married Molly and the press are expecting an extravagant CEO-type event, only to then be shown Goddard and Molly taking their wedding vows in a simple chapel in the slum area, then driving off in a limousine with a vanity plate "PEPTO".
    

Life Stinks


            Transylvania: 1893. A coach containing Thomas Renfield (Peter MacNicol), a solicitor from London, and two Transylvanian natives, rocks up a mountanous path. Renfield says he's feeling queasy and one of the helpful natives leans out the window to tell the driver to slow down. Just as he does so, he catches a glimpse of the setting sun and yells for the driver to go faster. The carriage rocks and jerks its way to the closest town.When they arrive, a townsperson opens the door of the carriage, and Renfield tumbles out headfirst. The driver throws his luggage down after him, saying he will go no further tonight. Renfield is forced to walk to his appointment at Dracula's castle, disregarding the townspeople's warnings about vampires as a silly superstition.By the time Renfield arrives, it is dark. He tries to knock at the door, but the knocker crumbles away in his hand. Just then, the doors swing open of their own accord. When Renfield steps in, the doors swing shut again and he turns around in surprise. Behind him, at the top of a long staircase, Count Dracula (Leslie Nielsen) makes his appearance. He stands still at the top of the stairs as shadow creeps forward across the wall in a predatory stance. Dracula scolds it in a foreign tongue and it retreats. Renfield, startled, turns around and is relieved to see the count. Dracula starts to introduce himself and trips on some bat guano, tumbling down the steps. He gets up at Renfield's feet, unharmed. He leads Renfield up the staircase, while his shadow limps across the wall behind him.As they walk up the stairs Dracula passes without incident through a giant spiderweb that is in the way. Renfield, confused, attempts to follow, only to become tangled in the web. He is still picking cobwebs off his clothes as he enters the room into which Dracula has led him. Dracula brings up his purchase of Carfax abbey. Renfield produces the documents. Just as Dracula is about to sign, Renfield gets a papercut. Blood spurts all over the documents as Renfield attempts to find his hankerchief. Dracula smacks his lips and looks on in interest.Later that night, Renfield is sleeping soundly in the guest room. The door creaks open and two vampire maidens float into the room. Renfield wakes up to see them molesting his furniture. He is indignant at their intrusion, but when they advance upon him he soon gives in to their mistrations with gusto. Dracula walks by to see them in a very comprimising position. He calls the vampires off and scolds them. They start to float out of the room, but he tells them to stop it, so they just stomp into the hall.Dracula finds Renfield cowering under the covers and tells him he was having a nightmare. He offers to show Renfield an old Transylvanian method of relaxation, where the other will stare deeply into his eyes. However, Renfield promptly falls asleep before Dracula can make him his slave. This happens once more before Dracula hoists Renfield up by his shoulders and goes through it all very fast. Renfields eyes get wider and more twitchy as he listens, and the scene ends with Renfield totally under Dracula's control.The next scene opens on a ship at sea. It is The Demeter, bound for England. Dracula's coffin is down below, being knocked about the cabin. Renfield enters and tries to tie down the coffin again, only to be crushed against the wall multiple times by the rocking ship. When Renfield finally manages to tie down the coffin, Dracula emerges with a groan. Renfield says he looks dried out, and offers him some whisky. Dracula refuses, and says he'll start with the first mate.A London Enterprise headline segways the next scene: Corpse of Captain Found on Empty Vessel-- Sole Survivor a Raving Maniac.At a showing of Faust, three theatre-goers look over the audience from their box seats. The fourth, Dr. Seward (Harvey Korman), who runs an insane asylum, enters late. His daughter, Mina (Amy Yasbeck), his ward, Lucy Westenra (Lysette Anthony), and Mina's fiancé, Jonathan Harker (Steven Weber) greet him. He apologizes for being late, citing the lunatic he brought in from the empty ship as an excuse.Meanwhile, Count Dracula approaches an usher (Leslie Sachs) in the hallway outside and requests to speak with Dr. Seward alone. He makes a gesture with his hand and she is instantly transformed into a mindless slave, repeating his request as she approaches the box. Just before she draws back the curtain, he adds "and you will remember nothing of what I tell you." She draws the curtain to summon Dr. Seward and suddenly has no idea why she's there. Dracula, annoyed when she greets him for the second time, denys her a tip and says he'll do it himself.Dracula enters the box and introduces himself as the new owner of Carfax abbey, which ajoins Dr. Seward's sanitarium. He is just about to introduce himself fully when the usher returns, relaying the original message Dracula imparted upon her. Dr. Seward leaves at the summons and Jonathan Harker takes over, introducing the offended Dracula to the rest of the group. Dracula takes an interest in Lucy. At one point he stares, transfixed, at her neck. She seems flattered.Later that same night, Lucy looks out her window at Carfax abbey and undresses to just her nightclothes. As she gets into bed, Dracula turns into a bat and flies across to her window. Just as he reaches it, Lucy shivers and reaches out to push the window shut. It swings shut and Dracula flies into it head-on, sliding down the glass. Afterwards, in human form, he pushes in the window and hoists himself up onto the sill and into the room. Suddenly, a knock sounds at the door. Dr. Seward and Jonathan come in and turn on the light, saying they thought they heard a prowler. They search the room and find nothing, while Dracula clings desperately to the ceiling above their heads. They say goodnight and Dr. Seward slams the door on the way out. Dracula crashes to the floor.After the men have gone, Dracula creeps over to Lucy's bedside and begins to drink her blood with a loud, slurping noise.The next day opens on a cell in Seward's Sanitarium where Renfield fusses and frets on his cot. Martin, (Mark Blankfield) a caretaker at the sanitarium, enters and says Dr. Seward is ready to meet with Renfield. He leads him out to where Dr. Seward is sitting, eating lunch. Renfield takes the seat opposite him. Renfield acts normal until he catches sight of an insect and stuffs it into his mouth. This happens three more times and Renfield tries to play it off, but eventually Dr. Seward is forced to call Martin back to put Renfield in a straightjacket.That same morning, Mina comes into Lucy's room, where the other girl is still in bed. Mina remarks that Lucy looks pale, and Lucy says she doesn't think she can get out of bed. Mina calls her father and he examines the two little bruises on Lucy's neck with interest. Jonathan suggests an insect, and asks if Lucy recalls being bitten. Lucy alludes to a strange dream she had, but when they press her on the details she says she remembers nothing and drifts to sleep.Dr. Seward suggests contacting Dr. Abraham Van Helsing (Mel Brooks), who he thinks might be able to shed some light on the disease.At the London Hospital Dr. Abraham Van Helsing's autopsy lecture is being conducted. Van Helsing disects the body and passes various body parts around until every student has fainted. A nurse comes in and sees the bodies on the floor. She congratulates him on a "ten out of ten." She then says she just got a message from Dr. Seward summoning VanHelsing to Whitby for an emergency. Van Helsing looks thoughtful.Dracula's coffin opens on a new morning. Dracula is at first startled that he can be up during the daytime, but then becomes joyful as he thinks that Lucy's blood had cured him. He goes out for a walk and samples a picnic. Suddenly, Renfield appears and warns him away. Dracula begins smoking in the sunlight. Startled he starts to run back to his coffin but can't seem to get anywhere. Cut to Dracula's coffin, which is rocking. Muffled screams are coming from within. It opens and Dracula looks around him, seeing that it is night. He was having a daymare.Van Helsing examines Lucy and can only suggest the interferance of a vampire. At first Jonathan and Dr. Seward don't believe him, but they come to as he explains his line of thinking. They ask what they can do, and Van Helsing consults a vampire book. He finds what he is looking for in the suggestion of hanging garlic around Lucy's room as she sleeps, to prevent Dracula from finishing the job.Dracula rises from his coffin that night and bumps his head on the chandalier directly above. He grumbles that he must move his coffin.Garlic drapes over every surface in Lucy's room that night. She complains about the smell, but Dr. Seward and Dr. Van Helsing insist. Dracula creeps up to the window once they have left and opens it, only to be warded away by the disgusting smell. The next time we see him he is at the window of Renfield's cell. He calls his slave to the window and bends open the bars, floating gracefully down to the ground. Dracula beacons to Renfield and he leaps from the window. Renfield gets up, groaning. Dracula reminds Renfield that he doesn't fly. Renfield limps after Dracula on the way to Lucy's room.Once there, Renfield opens the window and begins to gather wreaths of garlic in his arms. He is distracted, however, and peeks under Lucy's blankets. Lucy wakes up and screams. Renfield screams. Dr. Seward and Jonathan come in and restrain him. Martin appears at Dr. Seward's call and drags Renfield back to his cell. Jonathan closes the window. When Lucy is alone again Dracula uses his vampire powers to call her to him. She opens the window and steps out into the night. Mina steps out onto the terrace and sees a dark figure bending over Lucy's prostrate figure. She screams, which brings Dr. Seward and Jonathan stright to her side. They rush out into the night and find that they are too late.A funeral is held. Dr. Van Helsing warns that unless they stake her to her coffin she will rise from the grave. Seward expresses doubts about the whole vampire theory. Just then, Count Dracula is shown in. He is introduced to Van Helsing, who questions the relationship between Count Dracula and Vlad Dracula, who impaled his subjects on iron spikes. Dracula insists they had it coming. Van Helsing and Dracula engage in a childish game of trying to get the last word through insults in the language of Ancient Moldavian. The professor notices The Count never gives up, leading him to suspect Dracula might be the vampire.At the Westenra crypt voices are coming from within Lucy's coffin. A man drinking nearby hears and lets her out. She attacks him.Back at the house, Jonathan is going out to stand guard at Lucy's grave, just in case. We next see him walking in the graveyard with a lantern. Suddenly, he hears his name called out long and soft. Lucy, now transformed into a vuluptuous vampire, steps out of the shadows. She begs Jonathan to come away with her, and tries to seduce him. However, he is too British to succumb to her wiles. She tries to bite him, but Van Helsing steps out of the darkness with a cross to drive her back. She retreats to her crypt, with Van Helsing at her heels.When Van Helsing and Jonathan enter the crypt they find Lucy lying prostrate in her coffin. Jonathan thinks she's dead, but Van Helsing says that unless she is staked through the heart by one who loved her in life she will rise again. Jonathan insists that he only liked her, but Van Helsing will hear none of it. He retreats behind a pillar and Jonathan hits the stake as hard as he can with a mallot Van Helsing produced. A deluge of blood pours out from where the stake drove in and Jonathan is soaked. He hits it one more time, with the same effect. Van Helsing hands him a hankerchief.Back at the house, Mina's nurse, Essie (Megan Cavanaugh) is sitting watch over her while she sleeps. Dracula is out in the garden and hypnotizes Essie to fall asleep and makes Mina awake. Dracula orders Mina to the door and there is some confusion in which he accidentally carries Essie away. When he realizes his mistake he drops her and goes back for Mina, spiriting her away into the night.Jonathan and Van Helsing return. Seward is shocked at Jonathan's appearance and makes him use the servant's entrance.At Carfax Abbey Dracula carries Mina into a candlelit room. They begin to dance, as a dusty old organ accompanies their movements. Their shadows dance and Dracula's shadow gets a little carried away, if you know what i mean. Dracula yells at it to stop, and they continue dancing. Dracula bites her.The next morning Mina is up early while Essie sleeps. Jonathan comes in and they wake her. Jonathan comments that Mina looks different, and she agrees, saying she's changed. She comes on to him, which makes Jonathan uncomfortable. Her father comes in and catches them in a very compromising position. Jonathan blames Mina, but she rescinds all blame. Seward is furious and orders Jonathan out. Van Helsing comes in and is suspicoius of Mina right away. He rips off her scarf to reveal two tiny puncture marks on her throat. She claims she did it pinning a shawl, but when Van Helsing presents her with a cross she faints.
The group decides they need to find out the identity of the vampire, and Van Helsing suggests a way.The next scene opens with a ball. They invite Dracula and Renfield. Dracula comes up behind them while they are talking and startles them. He spots Mina and asks to dance. Jonathan is about to refuse, when Van Helsing stomps on his foot. Renfield calls Dracula's attention on his way to Mina. Renfield is suspicious of the circumstances under which he was invited. Dracula agrees that it is suspicious and says that if he is discovered he has movied his coffin to an abandoned Chapel, and that Renfield must meet him there, making sure not to be followed.Dracula begins to dance with Mina. Martin is given the signal to drop the curtain from a giant mirror. Everyone starts staring at Dracula and Mina, because he does not reflect in the mirror. He thinks they're staring because he's a good dancer. When he finally figures it out, he snarles and throws a table through the window. With Mina in his arms he leaps into the night.Renfield yells out after him, but quickly covers it. Van Helsing is suspicious of Renfield, and suggests they let him go to see if he'll lead them to Dracula. Renfield starts off in the direction Dracula indicated, only to remember his advice. To make sure he isn't followed he zig-zags in a circle and then advances, sure that he lost them.Renfield arrives at the castle, proud of his achievement. It is just then that Dracula hears the sound of his pursuers at the gate. Renfield is crushed that he couldn't fulful his duty, and begs Dracula to punish him. Dracula obliges and throws Renfield down the stairs. The group tramples over him on the way up the stairs.The door is locked when they get up, however. Dracula leans down to bite Mina as they beat on the door, and just as his fangs are about to sink in they break in. There is a struggle, at the end of which Dracula turns into a bat and flies into the rafters to escape. While he is up there, they are unable to burn him with the light of the sun. Just as Dracula thinks he's safe, however, Renfield opens a pannel in the ceiling for escape, accidentally letting in the sun. Bat-Dracula goes down in a ball of flames and Mina awakens as herself again.Jonathan carries Mina out the door. Just after them, Renfield comes in the room, sobbing. He scoops up his master's ashes, places them in his coffin and draws a smiley-face in them, trying to fix it. Seward tells him that he doesn't need to serve anyone anymore. Renfield follows him out the door, saying, "Yessss masssster." As Van Helsing puts on his hat, he opens Dracula's coffin and shouts one last insult in Ancient Moldavian, getting the last word. He slams the coffin shut as the film ends.
    

Dracula: Dead and Loving It

The Guardian Brothers


            Would you believe, The Nude Bomb is based on the 1960s spy spoof television series Get Smart. In the film, Maxwell Smart (Agent 86) is called out of retirement in order to stop mad KAOS clothing designer Jonathan Livingston Seigle from exploding a bomb that will destroy every stitch of clothing in the world. KAOS demands a ransom in the amount of $10 billion dollars a month from the United Nations or they will detonate the bomb, making everyone nude.Smart's government agency, called CONTROL in the TV series, is called PITS, an acronym standing for Provisional Intelligence Tactical Service. There, he teams up with a new crew of agents to stop the nefarious plot. He is given a weapons specialist called Carruthers, modeled on Q from the Bond movies, a pair of teen genius geeks - Drs. Pam and Jerry Krubney - and three female field agents, Agents 36, 22, 34. Rounding out the team is Larrabee (Adams' cousin, actor Robert Karvelas), the only other regular cast member from the television series. Agent 13 - the spy who would be stationed in the weirdest places - shows up in an airplane toliet but as actor Joey Forman. The best idea of how to combat this challenge comes from Larrabee. He devises to render the nude bomb weapon ineffective by wearing food, are ineptly exploited through lame jokes and ill-timed sight gagsAgent 86 has only 48 hours to save the world from extreme nakedness. Several plot twists ensues, including a chase sequence through the Universal Studios' backlot tour - right through the Jaws ride - a trip to Innsbruck, Switzerland to interrogate international fashion designer Edith Von Secondberg, which leads him discover a mole in PITS. Testing every member of his team he finally reveals the Chief as the mole. After a high speed car and office desk chase,the Chief is captured and put in a hospital after an accident .This fiendish plot is a win-win for evil KAOS designer Norman Saint Sauvage, for he has created an indestructible but unfavorable fabric, which won't be destroyed. When KAOS agent Nino Salvatore Sebastiani confronts him he kills him intends to be the only supplier of clothing after they drop the bomb. Agent 86 uncovers that the unknown terrorist is St. Sauvage who is really a clone of Sebastiani. St. Sauvage launches the nude bombs and 86 attempts to capture St. Sauvage when he runs into a device that instantly clones the person. 86 follows him through it so as not to be outnumbered. A few more trips through the cloning machine and the screen is filled with Maxes and St. Sauvages. St. Sauvage dons a gas mask and releases a poison gas that kills everyone in the secret lair. He goes over to one Max who is lying on his stomach. Turning him over reveals an Agent 86 with a similar gas mask who leaps up to finish this villian off. After defeating Sauvage, Agents 86 and 22 join the real Chief and escape the lair as it blows up. The final image is of Max, Agent 22 and the Chief with their clothes gone due to the fallout from one of the bombs running down the road with THE END covering their ends.Those who are fans of the TV show should not expect to see this as a reunion film. The Chief is played by Dana Elcar (as Edward Platt had died a few years earlier), Dick Gautier as Hymie the Robot, and Barbara Feldon's character, Agent 99, are not even mentioned. Nor is there any reference made to 86 being married to 99.
    

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