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Cut Bank


            In a strange, dark world full of pipes, tubes, corridors and a mysterious "edge" that naughty children are threatened with being thrown over, the Hollowhead family lives in a brightly lit, colorful happy home, until some clogged tubes, an imposing boss, and a little too much softening cream bring it all crashing down on them. Henry Hollowhead informs his wife that his new boss will be coming to dinner, and she graciously agrees to make it a memorable one. He hopes to take advantage of this chance at getting a promotion at United Umbilical by impressing his boss over a delicous dinner. Meanwhile, Billy Hollowhead and his best friend are making a mess in the bedroom with Billy's new splat-spray game, using the family pet's parasites as ammunition. Older sister, budding beauty Cindy Hollowhead is raving about the upcoming party, and her brother Bud is practicing just a little too loudly on his electro-chicken-accordian instrument, which he will be playing at the same party. Mr. Hollowhead and boss Mr. Crabneck arrive just in time to see the succulent Cindy leaving for the party, and Mr. Crabneck wastes no time in showing his slimey side to both daughter and mother. Dinner begins, with some idle chitchat about work, degrading into a discussion of the dangers of rationalism, and finally coming back to Mr. Hollowhead's desired promotion. At this point, Mr. Crabneck informs them that he is a very very very lonely man, and the only chance Henry has at getting promoted lies with Miriam, and her willingness to ease his boss's loneliness. Unable to restrain himself further, Mr. Crabneck attacks Miriam's neck while Henry ponders a way to get noticed at work. She fends him off with the help of her well-adjusted youngest son Billy, until Henry joins in and together, the three subdue Mr. Crabneck. It takes a few tries, as Mr. Crabneck is a tough crab to crack, but they finally knock him out and hide him in the kitchen just as the police arrive with daugther Cindy. The party has been raided by police after the party-goers tapped into a highly restricted tube, and Cindy was taken into custody under the intoxicating influence of two pounds of softening cream. Oldest son Bud returns after having been booed out of the party because of his new songs, and Mr. Crabneck wakes up once more before finally expiring at the sight of Cindy's drunken state. But, instead of throwing the body over the edge, they throw him in the regeneration chamber, revive him, and put him in the basement with Grandpa, who they are secretly keeping alive despite the law. Problem solved, promotion secured, and pervert safely locked away, the family reminds each other how important family is, because the family that slays together, stays together. And remember kids, just say "No!" to butt polish!
    

Matt Shakman

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