Malice in Wonderland


            
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The Fat Boy Chronicles


            We open with Wendy Cooper (Elizabeth Banks) and her husband, Gary (Ben Falcone). Wendy runs the Breast Choice Boutique and is reading her childrens book about breast-feeding to children and their parents. Gary is video-taping this reading, when suddenly a kid comes in and interrupts the proceedings by screaming an obscenity. Wendy tells Gary to chase after him. After this occurrence, Wendys reading is over, and she tells all the children to thank their mothers for breast-feeding them. Gary comes back and claims that the kid was too fast. He congratulates Wendy on her first reading and then says he has to go to something work-related. This disappoints Wendy who was hoping to buy him lunch, but he says he has to leave. Suddenly, Wendys phone goes off with the message You are now ovulating. She tells Gary to come back, pointing at her phone. At first he refuses, but she says that they only need two minutes. He finally goes with her to have sex.Next we see Holly (Jennifer Lopez) doing a photo shoot with a baby. After shes done, she shows the pictures to the mom of the baby while Holly holds the baby. The baby pukes on her, but Holly handles it well. The mother tells Holly that shes good with kids and should have one of her own. Holly states, that is the plan.We then go back to Gary and Wendy who are going to an outdoor showing of the film 'Dirty Dancing'. Before the movie, Wendy proposes a toast and states that maybe they should stop trying to have a baby for a little while. She then proceeds to chug the vodka. Gary goes off to get food at one of the food trucks that are there and we meet Marco (Chace Crawford). Marco is serving food, but gets irritated once he realizes the food truck next to him is serving bacon (which is his specialty). He goes over to the other food truck that is run by Rosie (Anna Kendrick). Rosie and he go back and forth for a little bit, and its obvious they have a history. Marco challenges her to a contest: Whoever sells more of their specialty wins. Either way, Marco wants a date with Rosie. Rosie states that last time they tried a date she was stood up.During the movie, Gary and Wendy have sex again when things go dark. After the movie, Marco tells Rosie he won the contest. He brought beer, and they go and sit together on the grass. He tells her why their last date didnt exactly go so well. It turns out that he asked her to prom, and she said no, so then he asked someone else, but then Rosie changed her mind and said yes. So he brought both girls to prom. Marco and Rosie tease each other a bit, but before things get intimate, Rosie leaves to her car. But, Marco catches up, and they make out and have sex.Next we meet Jules Baxter (Cameron Diaz) and Evan Baxter (Matthew Morrison). Jules is a celebrity that hosts a weight-loss fitness show. She is also pregnant. She asks Evan if he is freaking out, and he admits that he is. He asks her what shes going to do about her fitness show, to which she replies that shell be able to do it before she has to deliver.We then go back to Holly, and we meet her husband Alex (Rodrigo Santoro). It turns out Holly cant have children so they have an adoption counselor coming over to check them out to see if they are normal and if they would make good parents. At the last minute, Holly hides an embarrassing wedding photo. The adoption person comes in, and the couple is very nervous. In the end, the adoption person likes them and asks to see a wedding photo. Holly doesnt want to bring it out, but Alex shows it to her. Its a photo of them at Vegas drunk in costume. The adoption person luckily ignores it. She tells them that it will likely take a year for them to get a kid. Alex states the longer it takes the better. Its clear he does not want a child.Next we go back to Wendy who is taking a nap at work. When a coworker come and wakes her up, Wendy notices some changes in her body. She then realizes she may be pregnant. She then rushes to find Gary because she has pregnancy tests and it turns out she is pregnant. The couple is ecstatic. After that, we find out that Rosie is also pregnant and seems very unhappy about it. Meanwhile, Holly and Alex are looking at houses that will also fit the baby thats hopefully on the way. Holly loves one house especially and claims that the house is the one. Alex remains reluctant though.Next we go back to Wendy and Gary, who are visiting Garys estranged father. Garys father, Ramsey (Dennis Quaid), is a former race car driver who is married to a woman MUCH younger than he; a young, Deep South, blonde trophy-wife named Skyler (Brooklyn Decker). When Wendy and Gary reveal they are pregnant, Skyler and Ramsey reveal that they are also pregnant. From there, the conversation becomes extremely awkward. Wendy and Gary are irritated that it took two years to finally get a baby, but Skyler and Ramsey made one without trying. Ramsey states, This pistol shoots no blanks. The hyper-competative Ramsey insists the guys have celebratory shots, to which Gary reluctantly agrees. Ramsey keeps on making it seem like Skyler is going to be Garys mother now (which Skyler fully embraces), which irritates Gary. Wendy and Gary finally are able to hightail it out of there.Rosie finally tells Marco shes pregnant. The two have an argument over what to do with the kid. Marco wonders if they should get married (he does not want this though). This just pisses Rosie off though, and she storms off. Meanwhile, Holly is at work and tells her friend, a mom, about Alexs lack of enthusiasm about the baby. The mom tells Holly to make Alex go to Dudes group, which the mom describes as a group of dads and soon-to-be-dads. The mom states it helped get her husband excited about the kid.Next we go back to Jules and Evan who are at the hospital. Jules is very enthusiastic about the baby and all the research she has to do, but Evan doesnt want any part of it. Then we go back to Rosie and Marco. Marco finds Rosie, and it seems they fix whatever problems they had and Rosie goes back home with Marco and introduces him to her friends. Then we go back to Holly, and Alex. Holly tries to make Alex go to dudes group, but he is not interested. She states that she will give him a blowjob if he will go, which piques his interest. Next thing we know, Alex is at the dudes group. He is introduced to four dads, the leader of them being Vic Mac (Chris Rock). Each of them have strollers, kids, and in some cases, kids strapped to their chest. They begin to talk and fill Alex in on the realities of having a kid. Alex states he refuses to buy a house, but the others tell him, if the wife wants a house, youre getting a house. Along the way, they meet Davis (Joe Manganiello), who is single and seems to be a player, but wants to be a dad.Next we see Wendy, who ended up getting a nice keynote speaking job. Next we see Alex and Holly. They got lucky because they are already set to receive a baby named Caleb. Holly is excited to have a family, Alex still seems a little unhappy, but goes along with it. He later buys the house they were looking at. Next we see the genders of all the babies: Wendy and Gary will have a boy, Ramsey and Skyler a girl, Jules and Evan a boy, and, for Rosie and Marco it was too early to tell. Later, Wendy and Gary and Ramsey and Skyler are having dinner, when Ramsey tells Gary that Ramsey and Skyler are having twins, which seems to infuriate Gary, who seems to have some sort of competition with his dad.Next we go to Marco and Rosie. Marco now seems genuinely excited to have a baby and Rosie is glad hes there. Later that night, Rosie wakes Marco up and says that shes bleeding. They drive to the hospital where it is revealed that they lost the baby. After Marco drives Rosie home, Rosie states its her fault and that Marco is off the hook. Marco tries to talk to her, but Rosie states that they were never a couple, and they should stop pretending.Then we go back to Jules, who has been chosen as a cover model for some magazine and is in a photo shoot. She gets a call from Evan, and they get into a discussion about whether to circumcise the baby or not. Evan is all for it, while Jules is against it. Next we see Alex at the dudes group. Alex is telling the guys that he was hoping for more time from the adoption people and that hes just not ready. The guys try to help him and Vic Mac gives Alex one of his babies to hold, but Alex seems terrified. The guys run into Davis again, and its clear Davis is the kind of guy they all kind of want to be.We now go back to Holly who is talking with her friend when her friend tells her that Holly has lost her job. Holly is devastated as they are just about to close on the house and they could use the money. Then we go to Jules and Evan. Evan is mad that on the front page of the magazine that has Jules on the cover it says that she will not circumcise her child. He states that parenthood is about compromise. They have a funny argument, and never reach a solution. Elsewhere, Rosie sees Marco with another girl.We then go to Wendy who is planning her baby shower. Her coworker has the idea to put a picture of a mini-cooper in the invite (because their last name is Cooper). Then, Skyler comes in. Both women are 7 months along. Skyler gives Wendy her baby shower invitewhich has mini-coopers in it. Wendy is jealous of Skyler because Skyler still looks amazing, even 7 months in.Evan and Jules are not getting along very well. Jules wants to go work, while Evan wants her to stay in case something happens with the baby. Jules comes right out and says that sometimes she wishes she could do the whole thing by herself. This hurts Evan. Elsewhere, a huge party is thrown for Holly. Shes having a really good time until one of her drunk friends says that she lost her job (she hadnt told Alex yet). This infuriates Alex, who already thinks they cant afford to be parents. Holly states she just didnt want another thing to be her fault. Alex consoles her and Holly tells him that she knows he doesnt want a kid. Meanwhile, at a concert, Rosie and Marco run into each other. Marco tells Rosie he misses her, but Rosie tries to ignore him.Jules is on her weight loss show surprising former contestants on her show to check up on how they are doing. It turns out that one of her contestants was Gary, who she catches about to chow down on a hot dog. He tells her how hard it is to be a new dad, which she sort of understands. For the cameras, she makes him do exercises, but predictably, she has a contraction. Elsewhere, Alex is looking for help from the dudes group. Alex confesses that they had to give up the house. Vic Mac asks him if he really wants the baby. Alex says he doesnt know. The group leaves him and tells him to figure it out for himself.Jules wants to go back to L.A. to have the baby, but the doctor outright refuses and tells her that shes having her baby in Atlanta. Meanwhile, Gary and Wendy arrive at Ramsey and Skylers party. Wendy is clearly having trouble with the changes in her body. At the party, Ramsey makes fun of Gary so Gary storms off in a golf cart. Skyler of all people tells Ramsey to go after him and to fix any problems in the family. Ramsey chases Gary down, and Gary tells Ramsey that Ramsey is the reason he got fat. Ramsey then says he used to watch every episode of his weight loss show. Then Ramsey says he has something important to tell Gary. Gary is interested, but then Ramsey says hell tell Gary if Gary will beat him in a race back to the house. Gary somehow ends up in the swimming pool but emerges triumphant, having finally beaten his dad.Jules is watching Evans dancing show on television when suddenly Evan comes storming into her room. It turns out Evan purposely screwed up on his dancing show so he could look after Jules and the baby. The two finally seem to get along perfectly. Elsewhere, Rosie and Marco run into each other, again. Marco wants to take her on a date, but Rosie claims it would never work between them. Marco wants to know why, but Rosie isnt willing to have the conversation.Elsewhere, Skyler had Holly take a picture of Skyler and Ramsey together. Skyler loves the picture and asks Holly to be the family photographer, giving Holly a job. Meanwhile, Wendy is going to give her speech as the keynote speaker, but she feels like absolute crap. During the speech, instead of saying something fake, she comes right out and states how hard pregnancy is and is very embarrassing about the whole thing. Shes worried that it will ruin her whole career. Instead, she sees a mob of people outside her store. It turns out a youtube video of her speech had an incredibly high number of views.Holly and Alex land in Africa where they will pick up their child. Meanwhile, Wendy is just looking for ways to speed up the whole pregnancy process. Elsewhere, the dudes group gains another member as Davis runs into them and tells him that a girl he hooked up with in Australia had a kid and is moving to America. He needs help so of course he fled to the dudes group.In Africa, Alex admits to Holly that hes just been afraid. She states shes afraid too, and they can be afraid together. Alex knows he will love their son. Back in America it seems that everyone is beginning to enter labor. Wendy and Gary are panicking and trying to get to the hospital. Jules on live television curses in pain as her contractions begin. Ramsey and Skyler are very chill about the whole thing and are not preparing to leave for the hospital yet.Eventually everyone gets to the hospital. All the ladies enter labor and Wendy requires an epidural. Wendy also requires a C-section to be performed, though the other two dont have any problems. Everyone finally sees their babies, including Alex and Holly. Jules and Evan ended up getting a girl instead of a boy. Unfortunately, there were some complications during Wendys C-section. Thankfully though, she ends up okay. Marco and Rosie manage to run into each other yet again at the hospital since Rosie's cousin is Skyler. They walk together and hold hands.The movie ends with all of the couples happily living with their babies.
    

J. Todd Smith

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