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Better Off Zed


            Open: Sounds of eating, drinking, sucking. A sound of a kiss. We see a sign for St. Peters Episcopal Church and the writing under the sign states: Denise & Danny Til Death Do Them Part. Bride and Groom exit the church. The bride is wearing a red dress with a red veil. They drive away in a car with the license plate CFO-52T. JUST MARRIED is written on the rear hatch window. The couple begin to kiss. The bride gives the groom a BJ in the car. She throws her veil out of the window. Denise Zanders <Tracy Coogan> carries Danny Zanders <Graham Sibley> over the threshold of the house owned by Uncle Barry. The house has a video game, a swimming pool and a swing set. Denise and Danny start to swing. They mention Portugal. A man is running down the street coughing. The newlyweds make love on the lawn to teach the jogger something. Denise looks for veggies in the refrig and chases Danny around the kitchen with raw ground beef. Down at the beach Danny is surfing as Denise cheers him on. They hold hands on the beach when Danny is done surfing. Seagulls are on the beach. Denise takes out her sketch book and starts to draw the ocean with Danny surfing. She has drawn some kind of black winged thing. An Ocean Zombie man <Mitch Goldberg> is coming toward the shore. Denise tells Danny to wake up. The Ocean Zombie falls on top of Danny. The zombie throws some black stuff up in Dannys mouth then dies. Danny is in the hospital. The doctor <John Sobestanovich> is trying to restart Dannys heart but fails. The doctor tells Denise that Danny is not responding. All of a sudden Dannys eyes open. Denise runs to him. The man next to Danny tells the doctor to let them hug for Christs sake. Danny was dead for 10 minutes. The Doc says Danny has to rest. Denise kisses Danny. Denise and Danny leave the hospital. Denis pulls out her sketch book. Danny appears and Denise hugs him. They are lying in bed when Denise asks Danny if he is hungry. He says not really. Denise will cook him dinner tomorrow night with candles. A candle-light dinner. They begin making love when Denise sees some of his chest skin peeling off. Breast action. The next day Denise is looking at a photo album with scraps of this and that in it. They discuss him being dead. They talk about having a child a girl. Blah, Blah, couples talk. Danny picks up the phone and resigns from his job 2 week notice. Denise then resigns from her job. She is a childrens book illustrator. Danny then calls Marty and gives up their apartment. Cut to a palm reader. She tries to read her customers hand with no luck. She then goes to the tarot cards. The man gets up and goes. He says she is ripping him off. Denise calls her palm reader friend and says they are going to Portugal. They couple laugh and kiss. The doorbell rings. It is Officer Frank Carp and he asks for Danny. He has Dannys surf board. His parents got him the board for his 15th birthday. Officer Carp asks about Jack Birch <Phil Catalano> Dannys roommate in the hospital who has disappeared. Denise goes shopping for their dinner. A jogger comes down the street clutching his chest. Denise passes a marina. Denise pulls into an Acme Supermarket. She bought 4 bottles of wine. Denise goes to the bathroom, she hears something and pulls the shower curtain open. She sees Danny eating a mans guts. Danny has blood all over his face. She runs out of the house but Danny says he needs her. He says he is sorry and she tells him not to touch her. Danny was eating Jack. Denise goes out onto the deck and smokes a cigarette. She remembers her vows to Danny. She had quit smoking for 7 ½ months, she throws the cig away. Blah, blah, not a bad person etc. They scramble to clean up the houseNikki < Tonya Cornelisse> and Buddy <David M. Wallace>are coming over. Denise takes a finger out of the tub drain. Enter Nikki and Buddy. They are drinking wine out of plastic cups. Buddy asks Denise if she is going to write a comic book now what Danny is one of the living dead. Nikki doesnt like this. Buddy makes fun and plays a zombie asking for brains. They go out for dinner and Danny plays with his food at dinner and is tired of vegetables. Danny scarfs down a steak really fast ravenous like. Denise goes to the bar has a drink then asks for another two drinks NOW. Nikki asks for seltzer NOW. Buddy says their waitress looks like the girl he used to bang in center - Tammy. Danny doesnt remember he dated Tammy for 2 years. Nikki consoles Denise. The next day Danny is throwing up in the locked bathroom. Denise breaks down the door. Blood is all over the toilet. Danny is crying and says that vegetarians dont make good cannibals. Denise and Danny in the car and he asks her to put on track 4 of the CD. They go to a travel agent Phyllis <Maria Iadonisi>. She offers them coffee and a bagel. They book a one way trip to Portugal. They depart 10:15AM. Arriving in Lisbon at 10:15PM. Danny starts eating her arm then tears out her throat. Denise is trying to get him out of the store. She freaks out. Danny runs into the woods. We now see a Video Library store where the owner <Dustin Smither> is wearing a T-shirt that says We are going to eat you! with a face of a zombie. The customer puts $10.00 on the counter and walks out grousing. Danny attacks the irate video store customer <Nate Meyer>. Denise goes home and Officer Carp rings the doorbell. Denise offers the officer a drink. He starts to look at her photo album. She says she has grapefruit juice. He asks her about Jack Birch again. Carp tells her when he has loose ends he cant sleep and he says thats a pain in the ass. He gives her his card and he says they found blood in the bathroom. Danny comes home bloody. Danny says he is trying to kill as few people as he can before they leave for Portugal. He mentions Portugal zombie doctors. Denise says its an affliction which has cures. Danny asks Denise not to leave him. She says in sickness and in health. The doorbell rings again and Buddy falls in the door and Nikki walks in. He is holding a Rubix Cube. Buddy says Danny looks like shit. Danny asks Nikki to read his palm which is gray looking. Nikki says they will have one kid. Nikki then sees the longest and deep life line she has ever seen. Then she sees his face as a zombie. Danny attacks Buddy and tears out his throat. Nikki and Denise run out of the house. Denise cant leave Danny and goes back into the house. Danny is playing a video game. Ugly face Danny. Nikki took Denises car. Denise is getting the candle-light dinner ready. Danny is growling. Nikki is going to the police department. We see a sign for Birch Drive and a sign that says Dead End. Denise puts one long-stem rose into a vase. Nikki sees a Police sign. At the house Danny makes a toast to Portugal. Denise is drawing Danny in her sketch pad. The police are coming to the house. Danny is crying. A piece of Dannys face falls into the soup. Danny gets ready to bite Denises neck. The police shoot Danny. Denise screams and Danny gets up and bites off Carps nose. Danny eats the other policeman. Danny goes after Nikki, puts two fingers in her neck and starts eating her. Denise runs, puts her hair up and puts on her red wedding dress. She listens as Danny eats. She turns on the television and flips channels as Danny throws up. She is laying on the bed and you see a severed arm on one of the pillows. Denise hides in a closet then falls out to find a severed head at her feet. Dannys face is all grey and rotten. Danny is hocking up black stuff. Denise runs downstairs and uses Dannys surf board to block him from getting to her. Danny comes toward Denise and remembers them on the swing. He throws her to the floor and turns his head and spits zombie stuff on the floor. He says he is sorry and falls on Denise. She cries while Danny is laying on her. The next morning we see Denise holding a dead Danny in her lap. She drags his body out by the pool. She rolls him into the pool. Denise goes to the beach with her red pail and scooper. She runs into the surf and has a vision of Danny as he once was. She is holding her stomach like she is pregnant. She unfolds her ticket to Portugal. A Tammy Wynette song plays. Stand by your Man. The End.
    

Graham Sibley

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