Ian Abramson: The Heist


            Rick "the Rickhead" Whitehead (David Gobble) is a popular atheist vlogger and YouTuber who spends most of his time ranting about the purported shortcomings of religion, specifically Christianity. His rants make him among the most popular content creators on the platform, and while on a hunting trip he is informed by online media mogul Samuel Tobinski (Doug Walker) that he is to be the recipient of the coveted "Atheist of the Year Award." During a date with his girlfriend Elizabeth (Allison Pregler), Rick invites her to attend the awards' ceremony with him in a manner similar to a marriage proposal. Elizabeth, an evangelical Christian, views this as the culmination of Rick's continued selfish behavior and intolerance toward her religion, and in a fit of emotion she breaks up with him on the spot. Rick is distraught, and after receiving the award, broods with his best friend Carlos (Fard Muhammed) at a local bar. Hoping alcohol will help ease the pain, Rick orders a special, micro-brewed lager made from Holy Water. The drink's intense alcoholic content causes Rick to lose consciousness, at which point he awakens to find himself in Heaven. He is approached by a manifestation of Jesus Christ in the guise of Santa Claus, ubiquitously referred to as 'Santa Christ' (Rob Walker), who tells Rick that he needs to use his platform to convert millions of followers to Christianity, and that in doing so, he can win Elizabeth back. Rick remains skeptical toward the entire situation, finding it more likely that it's simply a hallucination brought on by a drunken head injury, but is convinced after Santa Christ plays a recording of Christopher Hitchens, and gives Rick a candy cane that appears in his hands when he regains consciousness.Rick seeks advice from author Burton Burpo (Brian Lewis), who adapted his own near-death experience into a best-selling memoir. He begins reading the Bible front-to-back, and eventually becomes a fully committed born-again Christian. Rick sets to work trying to convert his followers, but is met with intense backlash by his fandom, first from Tobinski who relinquishes his award and has him beat up, and later a local Park Ranger who blocks Rick (Zachary LaVoy) from his usual deer hunting sight and shoots him in the foot. Rick's videos begin getting more dislikes than likes, and his subscribers begin leaving in droves. Elizabeth, meanwhile, has attempted to move on by marrying a like-minded man and having 19 children in rapid succession. Confused as to why the plan isn't working as Santa Christ said it would, Rick returns to the bar, hoping to recreate the same near-death experience by drinking the same beer as before. This time, however, Rick is instead given a beer made from sulfur, which causes him to lose consciousness and awaken in Hell. Despite the machinations of the Devil (Malcolm Ray) to keep him trapped their, he manages to return to the real world, where he has only managed to sustain even more painful injuries.Disheartened, Rick sets out to visit his estranged brother Willy (Brad Jones), a hard-core evangelical activist. The two manage to reconcile their long-standing differences, and Willy tells Rick to build a 'war room' (prayer closet) that will help bring closer to God. Rick tests in efficacy by wishing death on Tobinski and the Park Ranger, and both spontaneously combust. Exploiting this new ability, Rick forces his audience to subscribe and like his videos, combusting anyone who unsubscribes from his channel. Elizabeth arrives with her reality show camera crew to tell Rick she's divorcing her current husband and that she wants to apologize for leaving him so abruptly. Rick tries to reconcile on the spot, but Elizabeth is offended by him objectifying her as little more than a prize, and she leaves worse for wear. Immediately afterwards, Rick is visited by Kendrick Tobinski, Samuel's identical twin brother and a Christian film producer, who offers to buy the rights to Rick's story. Rick remains apprehensive and holds out from making a decision.Confused and emotionally exhausted, Rick is spontaneously transported to Heaven, where he is chastised by both Santa Christ and the Devil. His reckless actions and killing of rivals has necessitated the onset of an early apocalypse, with only a very small percentage of Christians being raptured, Elizabeth and Carlos being left in a wasteland overrun by demons. Santa Christ reveals that Rick's initial near-death experience and conversion was part of a bet with the Devil to increase the quota of conversions. Christ is terrified of his father, God, finding out, and has brought Rick to Heaven to take the fall on his behalf. Disgusted as having been exploited, Rick initially refuses, but has a change of heart after realizing the people he cares about will only suffer more because of it. He demands Christ give Elizabeth and Carlos good, fulfilling lives during the Seven Years of Tribulation, terms he agrees to just as God (Sarah Lewis Gobble) appears, revealing he's known about Christ's scheme the entire time. He apologizes to Rick for what he's been put through, and offers to reset time to the exact point where everything started, when Rick failed to propose to Elizabeth in the restaurant. The only condition is that Rick will have his memory erased, meaning there is no guarantee events won't play out exactly as before. Rick declares there's nothing he can lose from it, and suddenly finds himself back in the restaurant with Elizabeth, his mind blank. As he's about to repeat the same action over again, Christ appears as a chicken sandwich and triggers flashbacks to Rick's earlier encounters, restoring his memory of the events. Rick ends the movie by telling Elizabeth and his audience that he doesn't know if God is real or not, but that what matters is the life people lead.
    

Fard Muhammad

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