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The Eagle and the Albatross


            Set in the world of a Renaissance Faire, "All's Faire in Love" is a light-hearted romp, a romantic camp comedy, falling somewhere between "Shakespeare In Love" and "Meatballs". After years of performing together, a rag-tag theatre troupe is about to lose its prime gig at Ye Olde Times Renaissance Faire when the Faire's owner threatens to hand over their stage to a rival troupe of conceited, classically-trained Shakespearean actors. The gonzo group must revive their act and find help from an unexpected source - their two new backstage hands, a young actor and actress who must overcome all manner of subterfuge and opposition to prove their worth, win the day, and - perhaps - fall in love.
    

All's Faire in Love


            Darkness. Police explore a crime scene, a San Fernando Valley house. We view the footage of their crime scene video. They find bodies, one after another -- What the hell happened here?One week earlier. The same house. An attractive young woman sits on a couch. This is Casey (Catherine Annette). She is interviewed by Devin (Clint Brink), filming her for an adult video -- but Casey underestimated the appetite of Devin and his cohort Josh (Lee Kholafai) for violent sex. They are interrupted by another porn star, the savvy Ashley Saint (Betsy Rue), who tries to rescue Casey -- but is jumped and assaulted by Josh. It is a violent, terrifying would-be rape. But it is also completely fake. A blooper happens and the performers break out in laughter. Days later, Ashley stops by the company's office to see the proprietor, Mike. Mike invites her to do the companys website Lucky Bastard, in which a lucky fan gets the chance to have sex with a porn star. Ashley flatly refuses, finding the concept loathsome, unsafe and unprofessional -- she is a single mother and her idea of adult content is doing her taxes and shopping at the grocery store. Mike shows her an innocuous application video by one fan, Dave G. (Jay Paulson), and bribes Ashley into the appearance.The company sets out to film the segment. Mike travels in his S.U.V. with Casey and Ashley, as well as Kris (Chris Wylde), the website cameraman, to pick up the contest's winner. Casey, Mikes latest girlfriend/porn star/plaything, asks if she can use a camera as well, and her footage joins with Kriss and cameras in the car to record the proceedings. The crew picks up the Lucky Bastard, Dave G, at the Amtrak station, where Mike and Dave immediately get off on the wrong foot. Dave has worn a Dodgers T-shirt, and Mike chastises him to change it (Major league baseball will sue our balls off!). The extent of Mikes belittling, insulting attitude towards his site's viewers becomes clear. Really? Kris asks. Right off the bat with the contemptuous prick?Inside the car, the filming goes no better: Dave is awkward, trying to please -- but uncomfortable with the interview that Mike insists is part of Lucky Bastard. They take Dave to a restaurant to film him dining with Ashley, where Dave argues that people like him never watch this portion of the website anyway -- we skip to the sex. They're interrupted by the maitre d (Angela Shin) who says they cannot film an adult production on the premises.As Mike argues with the maitre d, Dave tries to talk to Ashley and, in the background, clearly says the wrong thing. Ashley looks horrified, gets up and walks to the car. Ashley explains to Mike that Dave asked her out on a date and knew personal details about her -- what is he, a stalker? Casey suggests that Dave simply apologize, and his heartfelt explanation of being well-meaning and nervous convinces Ashley to give him another shot.The company relocates to a house -- the very same house as in the prologue, which, we learn, was outfitted with cameras for a reality show and thus is set up to film everything that takes place. Ashley and Dave film their sex scene, which becomes a fiasco. Dave climaxes prematurely -- that is, almost immediately, without even taking off his bathrobe -- and pushes Ashley to the floor in a panic.This time, Ashley is furious. She yells at Dave (you cant push a woman!) and rages to Mike that the whole thing is sick and a new personal low. She locks herself in a spare room, effectively freezing the production. Mike pleads with her to let him in. She opens the door and he apologizes, heartfelt; he offers to send Dave home at once and Ashley gratefully agrees.Dave, however, is enraged that he is not being given an opportunity to finish his sex scene -- Im the lucky bastard, he insists. He attempts to steal the video footage of his failure but Mike screams at him (Its mine! I paid for it, you signed the form!) and now Daves humiliation is complete: he has been insulted, belittled, revealed as sexually dysfunctional, physically intimidated, and exposed as weak in every way. And the whole thing is soon to be broadcast on a website.Mike orders his assistant Nico (Lanny Joon) to drive Dave to the station, and Nico -- out of discomfort and fear -- makes the fatal mistake of leaving the car cameras running. You think Im gonna do something? Dave asks. No, Nico replies, Id just feel more comfortable with them on.' Dave has finally had too much: he goes to pee in the bushes -- a ruse to get a rock--comes back, and bashes Nicos head in. Dave is now a monster, unleashed.Back at the house, Mike has summoned a male porn star -- Josh, from the prologue -- to film a scene with Ashley so he at least has something to show on the website. Dave infiltrates the house and, in his rage at being humiliated, one by one stalks, captures, and kills (by baseball bat or handgun) Mike and the crew. Each time, it is a comeuppance for the insults that Dave earlier endured.Finally it is just Ashley and Dave. But she alone has the strength, wits and sex appeal to outwit the deranged Dave. She seduces him, tricking him into untying her. They have sex, and after he climaxes -- whimpering and gentle -- she crushes his genitals, scrambles for the gun, and blows his brains out.She screams a primal scream of agony, then sits, shaken and shocked to be alive. What now? She looks right into the camera, which Dave had left running to film his conquest. She has a wry, angry, knowing look. She has had a complicated emotional relationship with the camera and her role in front of it. For her, that role is over. She gets up and turns the camera OFF.
    

Chris Wylde

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