The Daichis: Earth's Defense Family


            
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Shakugan No Shana

Elemental gelade

Movie Toons: Treasure Island


            The film opens at the supermarket Shopwell's on a new day as customers are rolling in. The food there live in their own world where they greet each morning with a song about "The Great Beyond", where the "gods" (shoppers) take the food to their ultimate destiny.A pack of sausages and a bag of buns are placed next to each other during a 4th of July weekend sale. Frank (voice of Seth Rogen) is a sausage that wants to finally get all up in his bun girlfriend Brenda (voice of Kristen Wiig). He shares the pack with his buddies Carl (voice of Jonah Hill) and Barry (voice of Michael Cera). Barry is the smallest sausage and is mocked by Troy (voice of Anders Holm) and his pals. All the sausages and buns think they are destined to get together in The Great Beyond. For now, Frank and Brenda can only touch tips. They then witness one of the store's employees, Darren (voice of Paul Rudd), whom the food refer to as "the dark lord", coming around and throwing out all the expired food, despite the food pleading and insisting that they are still good.Later in the day, Honey Mustard (voice of Danny McBride) gets returned to Shopwell's. He is trembling in fear and appears traumatized, unable to speak about what he has just seen. As this happens, a shopper named Camille Toh (voice of Lauren Miller-Rogen) picks up the sausages and buns, and then Honey Mustard. While the rest of the food in the cart is celebrating being chosen, Honey Mustard stands up and tells the food that everything they have been led to believe about the gods and The Great Beyond is a bunch of bullshit. He says that the gods are preparing them for unspeakable horrors. Refusing to go back, Honey Mustard gets ready to leap off the cart. Frank gets out of his package and runs to catch him, leading Brenda to leave her bag to save Frank. Before falling, Honey Mustard tells Frank to seek out Firewater (voice of Bill Hader) to learn the answers he seeks. Another shopper then bumps his cart into Camille's, causing Honey Mustard to fall and crash. Several other products fall and become damaged. Banana's face peels off, Jelly gets splattered, a bag of chips gets popped and his chips slice the other food, and a can of noodles has his guts spill out.Frank and Brenda escape the chaos, but the store is now closed and they're away from their packages. They run into a douche named...Douche (voice of Nick Kroll), who's pissed that his nozzle is bent and therefore he cannot fulfill his purpose to have a woman use him. Douche tries to come at Frank and Brenda, but Darren sweeps him up into the garbage.Douche climbs out of the garbage bin and finds that his side is cracked, causing his juices to leak. He cries about not getting to do what he's made for. Douche then spots a broken grape juice box. He goes over to it and is then inspired to seek out revenge on Frank and Brenda. Douche drinks out of the box's crotch and gets juiced up, ready to get payback.Frank and Brenda head back to their aisles and meet the Armenian flatbread Lavash (voice of David Krumholtz) and Jewish Sammy Bagel, Jr (voice of Edward Norton). The two of them hate each other, as their food groups are made to believe they should. The four of them discover the aisles that form a city in the grocery store. Frank spots the liquor aisle and decides to seek out Firewater. They head down that aisle, and Frank finds Firewater's spot. He leaves Brenda with Lavash and Sammy as he goes to talk to Firewater.Frank encounters Firewater sitting around a fire. Frank asks him what Honey Mustard was talking about. Firewater explains that once the food goes out the door, the gods kill their asses. Thinking Frank has heard too much, Firewater puts a bag over his head and prepares to have him killed, but one of his friends talks him out of it. Frank then meets the Non-Perishables, which also include Mr. Grits (voice of Craig Robinson) and Twink (voice of Scott Underwood).Brenda goes looking for Frank and runs into Tequila (also Bill Hader), who says he knows where to find Frank. He takes Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy to a pub in the Mexican food aisle. Teresa Del Taco (voice of Salma Hayek) sees Brenda and becomes smitten with her. However, she knows that the three are being brought in for a trap. Teresa hides them as Douche arrives. He smashes Tequila and drinks his fluids, getting even more juiced up. Teresa leads the food out a secret passageway.Frank sits with the Non-Perishables as they smoke sativa from their pipe. Firewater admits that because they are Non-Perishable, and therefore immortal, they have seen the barbaric nature of the gods long before the rest of the food in the store, knowing full well what awaits them once they are out the doors. So, they made up the tale of the gods being saviors so that the next wave of food would leave the store happy instead of terrified. Firewater says they also made up the song (he made the tune, Twink made the lyrics), but other food have changed up the meaning to their liking, which upsets Firewater. Frank decides he has to warn everyone about what awaits them. Firewater tells him to go down the Dark Aisle in order to find the proof that he needs to get the food to realize what is really happening.At Camille's house, all the food is excited to see what they are in for. Camille picks out Potato (voice of Greg Tiernan) first. He is elated and thinks he is about to enter eternity...until Camille starts peeling his skin off, and then drops him into a pot of boiling water. The food then become horrified when a tomato gets chopped in half, a lettuce head is split in two, cheese is grated and microwaved onto nachos, and bacon is fried alive! Two little baby carrots try rolling away to freedom, but Camille catches them and eats them. Carl and Barry make a run for it out the window. They prepare to jump into the bushes when Camille sticks a knife through Carl and slices him upwards. Barry avoids the same fate as he falls into the bushes.Brenda, Teresa, Lavash, and Sammy walk down the back of the aisle. Brenda thinks all the bad stuff is happening because she and Frank touched tips, and now the gods are punishing her. Teresa admits that she has urges that she cannot give into for fear of angering the gods. They are then attacked by the jacked-up Douche. He is about to kill Brenda until she rips off the sticker that kept his juices from leaking. The food manages to escape from Douche as he gets stuck in the walls.Barry is now out in the streets, scared out of his wits. He finds a turd with zombie corn, and then a used condom who laments what he was used for. Barry hides and sees a Druggie (James Franco) stopping by with a Shopwell's bag. The Druggie buys bath salts and walks away. Barry thinks the man can help him get back to Frank to warn him. He runs after the Druggie and hangs onto his shoelace as he drives home.Frank reunites with his friends and tries to get them to follow him to the dark aisle so that he can show them proof of what the gods really do with them. However, Brenda remains firm in her beliefs and feels hurt that Frank would start badmouthing the gods right now. She decides that she would rather go to The Great Beyond without Frank and gets filled with something else, like an eggplant or tube of toothpaste, to Frank's horror. Brenda returns to her aisle and tearfully parts from Teresa. Meanwhile, Lavash and Sammy discover they have a common friend with Hummus, but they remain unable to put their differences aside and return to their arguing groups.Now at the Druggie's home, Barry tries to sneak into the Shopwell's bag. The Druggie them shoots up the bath salts and starts tripping balls. This causes him to be able to see, hear, and speak to Barry, as well as the other food in his room. The Druggie freaks out when he sees the half-eaten and conscious food, as well as the mortified Toilet Paper (voice of Conrad Vernon). Barry then meets a Stephen Hawking-like wad of gum named...Gum (also Scott Underwood), who is the most intelligent being in the world, having been stuck under the desk of a brilliant scientist for decades. Gum figures out how to get Barry back to the closest Shopwell's. The Druggie agrees to help Barry get home, but first he passes out.Frank goes down the Dark Aisle and finds a big recipe book. It contains disturbing depictions of the gods chowing down on food as it is fully aware of being eaten. Frank then sees the page with a sausage and bun being eaten. He rips that page out and sets out to tell the truth.The Druggie wakes up, but the effects of the bath salts wear off and he can't understand the food anymore. He starts eating the bag of chips, and then reaches for Barry. He goes to throw him in a boiling pot of water.It is now morning, and the store is about to open. Frank gets himself on camera and speakers to talk to all the food. He tries to explain to them that the gods are going to kill them and not take them to a Great Beyond. Frank shows off the pages of the recipe book, but the food thinks he is just speaking blasphemy and making things up. Frank leaves, defeated, but then reunites with Barry. He brings with him the decapitated head of the Druggie. We see how Barry managed to miss the boiling water, leading the Druggie to try and pick him up, only to knock over the pot and burn himself. Barry grabbed his shoelace and made him slip, causing him to fall and have an axe from from the wall and chop his head off, so Barry and the rest of the Druggie's food (plus Toilet Paper). With this revelation, Frank knows someone else has witnessed the barbarity of the gods firsthand. But now that they know the gods can be killed, the food sets out to stop them once and for all.Frank sees that Brenda is about to be taken away in another package. He races to get her while Barry has the house foods cook the bath salts and dip toothpicks in them, which they shoot at the shoppers and employees. They start to trip out and see the sentient food. The lady with Brenda's package freaks out and tries to run. Frank locks the store down, causing the woman to slam into the door. She grabs Frank, but Brenda whacks her face to the ground. The food tries to get the shopper's attention, but a woman slams a pizza slice against the door. The other shoppers start smashing the food when they see it's alive. This proves to the food that the gods are monsters. They decide it's time to fight back once and for all!The candy aisle shoots gumballs at an obese man. A bottle of cola and a tube of Mentos sacrifice themselves to go down the man's throat and blow him up. Other shoppers and employees get brutally attacked by the food. Darren goes to get a gun and finds Douche speaking to him. He offers to form an alliance so they can both kill Frank. Douche jumps into Darren's pants and sticks his nozzle up Darren's ass to control him. They go hunting for Frank as Darren shoots the food. Frank is caught by Douche, who takes a bite out of him. Brenda swings down to save Frank while Barry and his friends set up a garbage bin with explosives that hurdles toward Darren and Douche. The bin snatches them up, and the food sets them up to get launched out of the store where they perish in a massive explosion.Now that the food has won, Frank and Brenda decide to do what they've been wanting to do this whole time...get all up in each other. Lavash and Sammy come out with their feelings for each other and get in on the action, along with Teresa. The whole store them has one epic orgy, including the Non-Perishables, plus Barry and a smushed bun.After all the fun, Frank and his friends are guided by Gum to Firewater's lair. He tells them of another terrible truth - all of them are just cartoons coming from the mind of Seth Rogen and his buddies. Gum shows them a machine he's built for them to head out into the real world and cut the strings loose from these puppet masters. Frank and his friends hold hands as they make the leap into another crazy new world.
    

Alistair Abell

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